One day Lou Ellerton found the salt and pepper shakers in the microwave.
Her husband Jim denied any knowledge of how they got there.
Jim asked Lou when's breakfast?
He had eaten breakfast half hour earlier.
Those are the frustrations of living with dementia, both for the victim and for their loved ones.
Jim was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease seven years ago but he has the slow-to-progress kind.
Jim, 67, and his wife Lou, 64, are using their positive attitude to blast through the more trying times that come with the disease.
Jim is certainly not alone. The Alzheimer Society of B.C. reports more than 70,000 people in the province have Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia.
The Ellertons want to take the stigma away from people who have Alzheimer's disease.
"We need to get the information out there and make it so that it's not so scary," said Lou. "Jim has a wonderful sense of humour and that's helped me and our family deal with it. I'm not telling you there's never tears or concerns but -"
"If you can't have fun with it, you shouldn't have joined," Jim quips.
"Is it any worse than terminal cancer or a lupus diagnosis?" asked Lou, continuing with her train of thought, as she and Jim sit close together on their living room couch. "It's not curable and it's not going to go away. It is what it is so let's deal with it and make the best of it."
During the days when Jim was undiagnosed but symptoms arose, his family practitioner made sure these were not underlying symptoms of other health issues like Type II diabetes, sleep apnea or effects of his chronic obstructive pulmonary disease medications. After those were explored, further tests were required.
"You know, Jim would keep repeating things or he would keep asking the same question and I'd tell him that I told him that already and I would roll my eyes - but I learned that we can't do that," Lou laughed.
Jim has fully accepted the diagnosis of Alzheimer's, which started with having Mild Cognitive Impairment and as time went on, his scores, upon assessment every six months, have gradually gone down. Jim has hit the assessment level where he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and is eligible for medications to try to slow the progress of the disease but the side effects made him so sick they were interfering with his quality of life. He had to stop taking them.
"You have to live with it," he said. "You can have fun with it or you can mope around and do nothing with it. I joke around with my friends and with Lou and if you take it too seriously, you're not going to last very long."
Lou said the doctor's help was invaluable, as he referred them to the local branch of the Alzheimer's Society's First Link program for guidance, something she hopes all caregivers do for their patients.
"Our saving grace came with First Link because it's got an educational component, a support component and a socialization piece," said Lou, who, along with Jim, volunteers at First Link once a week. Laurie DeCroos, LPN, is the First Link coordinator for the local branch of the Alzheimer Society of B.C. She can be reached at [email protected] or 250-645-2200.
Jim and Lou also attend Minds in Motion to have a little fun. It's a fitness and social program created for people diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease or any other form of dementia. The program has been held every Thursday at the Family Y for the last three years and is presented by the Alzheimer Society of B.C.
"It's a really good way to find out where you fit in," said Jim, about attending Minds in Motion. "There are some people who are way more advanced than I am and some are less and it's good to mingle."
When they first got the diagnosis, Lou had a bit of a hard time with it and they kept it to themselves for a while to digest the news.
"I jumped from not knowing and understanding to him drooling and me putting on his bib and getting the adult pull-ups ready - and how unfair was that? Enjoying our golden years, my ass!" said Lou, clapping her hand over her mouth as she shocked herself with her language.
Lou is happy they retired early and have done all the traveling they wanted to do. They now enjoy their family time to a great extent. Family support, especially from their three sons and daughter, is immeasurable and gratefully accepted by Jim and Lou.
It's frustrating for Jim when the names of his 10 grandchildren escape him. He's taken to calling the little ones "sweetie." The older children notice, but the younger ones thankfully don't seem to mind.
Once Lou accepted the diagnosis it was time to learn coping strategies, and find out how to make it easier so she wasn't upset or a source of frustration to Jim or him to her.
They keep to a daily schedule, check in with each other often, have weekly heart to hearts to see how they are feeling and they use a white board to list daily events. That way Jim can refer to the chart instead of asking repeatedly what's for supper.
"So we got those tools and it's made it easier," said Lou.
Jim finds food that was once appealing is not so tasty anymore.
Even some of his interests have changed, particularly in what he watches on television. He used to watch the history and nature channels.
And what interests you now, Jim?
"Me!" Lou said with a laugh and a wink. "46 years!"
"Right now I'm into Game of Thrones and Vikings," Jim deadpans.
These changes in taste in food and entertainment were explained to them during classes they took at First Link.
Life is more predictable and routine now with more structure built into each day.
Every Sunday Jim and Lou plan their meals for the week and instead of running around looking for the best buy, it's a one-stop shop to minimize Jim's stress.
Jim recalls a time, more than a year ago, when he suggested a Sunday drive to Timmy's in Miworth. Lou agreed, knowing full well there's no such coffee shop in Miworth.
Jim shakes his head at the memory. That's life with Alzheimer's when a supportive wife is not willing to argue over the little things.
"Jim has a slow moving form of dementia and I think that's one of the misconceptions people have," said Lou. "I think people just think the worst like I did. There's still quality of life, there's still lots that can be done while you're taking that journey down this path."
But they do have their moments.
"Like when I have a little cry in the bathroom," Lou said.
"Me, too," Jim turns to Lou with a sheepish smile and a shrug.
"I know, I know - I caught ya', remember?" Lou smiles, her hand on Jim's arm.
