You don't ever get over it but you can learn to live with it, are the comforting words spoken by a person who knows.
Pat Russell lost her 40-year-old daughter, Sharon, to suicide in 2001 when they lived in Winnipeg.
At the same time, Sandy Galletti lost her sister.
Together, mother and daughter have found a way to cope with the loss.
When Galletti moved to Prince George seven years ago, she saw the need for a mutual support group for those who have lost a loved one through suicide so Heartbeat was created. It started when she connected with Canadian Mental Health and found out they were looking for someone to facilitate the group.
"I was at a point in my life that I could offer something and I really wanted to honour my sister and do something in her memory that would be of benefit to other people because she herself was a very caring woman, she was a nurse by profession," said Galletti, who is the youth services regional liaison for Northern Health. Sharon had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was in an unhealthy relationship at the time of her death, Galletti explained. Sharon had made other attempts to end her life and had been hospitalized for her illness in the past.
When Galletti first started the group, Russell, who followed her daughter to Prince George, didn't want any part of it.
"I didn't think it was appropriate or that I needed that, and I guess, to be honest, I wasn't comfortable with it," admitted Russell. "But I know now it's aided in my healing. It helped to talk about it with other people."
Now Galletti and her mother co-facilitate the group every third Monday of the month.
"We would like to see the shame and blame disappear, and that's through education," she added.
Right now there are about six people who attend the open support group on a regular basis and others are always welcome to attend.
Galletti encourages people to start with a call to her, because she understands how daunting it can be to walk into a room filled with strangers to talk about something so personal. Russell can also reach out to people by telephone and often calls those in the support group just to check in.
A common concern for people in the group is the judgment that comes with having a family member commit suicide.
"Many people who have joined the group have commented that it's the first time they've been able to talk openly about what's happened in their family," said Galletti.
Concern for other family members is also a point that comes up in the meetings, said Russell. For how they are dealing with the grief over the loss of a loved one or that another family member may choose the same path.
"The thing about Heartbeat is that everyone in the group can relate," said Galletti. "And that's really important - having the support of others that know what you're going through."
The meetings are held every third Monday of the month at the Canadian Mental Health Association office at 1152 Third Avenue at 6:30 p.m. or call Sandra on her cell at 250-961-9330.
