Because everybody grieves in their own way, the Prince George Hospice Society offers Grief & Grub for Guys, an eight-week program where men can join in the conversation, enjoy dinner and learn a little something about how people, particularly men, grieve.
"Every week we would get together and there's a check-in where everybody gets to talk about how their week was and if there's anything coming up with regards to their grief and that lasts for about a half an hour and then we serve dinner so that any emotion that's come out at the check-in we then lighten it up and we safely go into dinner where conversation includes fishing, cars or their grief - whatever they're comfortable talking about," said Denise Torgerson, grief support staff at Hospice.
After that there's a short educational piece like talking about the Grief Wheel that includes emotional, physical, spiritual and mental aspects and what is normal in grief.
"A lot of people think they're going crazy until they realize that what they are feeling is a normal part of the process," said Torgerson.
"We talk about the difference between intuitive grievers and instrumental grievers. Generally men are instrumental grievers and we all fall somewhere in between the two."
Instrumental grievers grieve through action and often isolate themselves to grieve alone. They don't tend to connect as much as an intuitive griever who grieves through feeling, talking and being in community and sharing.
"Often men will grieve alone and often I hear a lot of women say 'he's not grieving' because he's not crying, he's not emoting, he's not sharing and meanwhile he's renovating the house," said Torgerson. "So there's a lot of misunderstanding around what grief looks like and how long it's supposed to last and we try in our grief support groups at Hospice to create a safe space for everybody."
Men weren't connecting with Hospice like women were, so that's where the Grief & Grub for Guys group came into creation.
"In all of our grief support groups there was something like six women and one man," said Torgerson. "So we thought if we could lure them in with supper - cook them a good meal - and give them an opportunity to grieve - however they grieve - whatever that is to them, that it would work for them."
This grief support group, like many at Hospice, is free.
Other support groups are Rainbows for youth and children, one-on-one grief support, and Tea Time for the Soul that is an unstructured support group where everyone is welcome to have tea, relax, share if they wish or just sit and listen.
For more information about grief support groups at the Prince George Hospice Society call 250-563-2551.
