Part 4 of 4
My wife is a born supervisor, and as such there is a little part of our deck railing that has been worn where she comes out of the house from time to time to inspect my shed-building handywork and leans on the railing to offer some suggestions.
I usually say I have ear plugs in as noise is a big safety issue when building a shed and pretend I can't hear her.
Roofing a shed is not an easy task especially when you try to do it by yourself. It is really a two-person job even if the second person is only given instructions like "here, hold this and don't move. I don't want my chalk line to be crooked. If you move I'm gonna tell your mom," or "if you hold each nail and I hit it we will get through this a lot quicker. Stop crying, you've got another thumb."
Chalk lines do make a nice design on the roof's tar paper, and if you do them correctly they are also helpful when laying shingles. However, if you decide to do one-man chalk lines, your shingle rows can end up resembling the waves on a stormy ocean.
Problem is you have to be drunk every time you look at the shed so the lines look straight.
I had considered just using a tarp to cover the roof but the thought of sleeping in the shed until I roofed it properly was a threat I took very seriously.
As a first-time roofer, and someone who has never handled tar paper before, I thought, "this is gonna be a piece of cake."
But trying to put tar paper on a roof with a steep pitch and only one set of hands is like trying to get a pair of track pants on a randy elephant. The first foot or so is fine but after that it can get a little dodgy and the roll of paper goes where it wants to go - often off the roof - and you are left wishing you had never listened to your friends when they told you building your own shed was a better idea then getting trained professionals to build one for you.
Six hours later and with the first row of tar paper finished - cutting the paper into six-inch strips really helps - I walked slowly, shoulders slumped over, beaten and without any shred of manhood left, into my house and had a good cry.
The tar paper, it turned out, was the easy part.
The next day I had to do the chalk lines so all the shingles would be straight and the same distance apart.
However having someone hold one end of a chalk reel on the roof while you go to the other end to snap the line is not easy when there is only one of you.
So I devised a brilliant plan.
After marking the roof at five-and-a-half-inch intervals I proceeded to make my chalk lines. Climb the ladder, hook the end of the chalk reel on to the first mark, keeping it in place with a piece of carpet tape, attach the chalk reel to the top of a two-by-two-by-eight and walk to the other end of the shed holding the two-by-two-by-eight over the roof. Kind of like someone in a St. Patrick's Day parade carrying a large flag pole. Once at the other end climb ladder No. 2, put the chalk line on the matching first five-and-a-half inch pencil mark, pull the line taut and snap.
Presto. A perfect chalk line.
In my head I kept telling myself I was a bloody genius. I dare not say it out loud as this led to fits of laughter from my wife the last time I did it.
"Who needs a second person to make good chalk lines," I thought.
"Not me. I'm as clever as the day is long. Take that all those who said it couldn't be done."
Two hours and 10 chalk lines later I went up the ladder at the side of the shed to get a better look at my perfect art work.
"Crap."
Somehow I had matched starting-point three with finishing-point four and starting-point nine with finishing-point eight.
All I could think was, "I better erase these before the wife sees them or I will never live this down."
The next day I decided it was probably best to ignore the chalk lines and just use my tape measure to get the distances right.
Ladders tied off, new tool belt on and loaded with equipment (my wife bought the belt for me for Christmas, never thinking I would actually use it) I climbed onto the roof to start shingling. Out comes the supervisor, leans on the deck railing and says "if you fall off that shed you better not leave a mark in my lovely grass. I have worked hard all summer to get it just the way I like it."
I just signalled I still had my ear plugs in and couldn't hear her. After few tense minutes she put her megaphone away and went inside.
Just what I need, fall off shed, break my back and then I wouldn't be able to build my wife her shoe closet, then I would never hear the end of it.
I worked meticulously with those shingles making sure the measurements were just right, and that I didn't fall off. Not even once.
A friend came over on day two to help me finish before the frost set in. And as he said, "as long as the side of the roof that is visible to the supervisor is neat, that is all that matters."
I couldn't have agreed more.
Now all I need to do is get the siding on. Originally I wanted floor to ceiling shagg carpet, but I was told that was not going to fly.
I have also been told that the siding must match the house, so it is back to YouTube for siding installation videos and maybe some more of those wonderful epic fail videos.
I just hope my attempt at building a shed isn't included in any of those epic videos.
