Jack Knox, being all heart, is surrendering his column space today to make way the newspaper's resident relationship expert, Dr. Romance, offering advice for men who screwed up on Valentine's Day.
Dear Dr. Romance
Retailer Amazon.ca has ranked the most romantic cities in Canada, based on the purchase of items such as romance novels, Michael Bubl recordings and romantic-comedy DVDs. My girlfriend disagrees with Amazon's conclusions, suggesting these buyers are actually "filling a void." What does that mean?
Mystified
Dear Mystified
She wants you bad.
Dear Dr. Romance
Can you suggest a few of these romantic DVDs?
Sensitive
Dear Sensitive.
Certainly. Dirty Dancing no, Dirty Harry yes. Notting Hill no, Hamburger Hill yes. Bridget Jones no, Indiana Jones yes. You've Got Mail no, You've Got Male yes. Pride and Prejudice no, Pride of the Yankees yes (alternate selection: Extreme Prejudice). Warning: Beaches is not about D-Day!
Dear Dr. Romance
She comes back from the hairdresser and asks "Notice anything different about me?" So, I say "Well, you've gotten really whiney since you started gaining weight." That sets her off like the time I accidentally slept with her sister again. What do I do?
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated
Tell her those three little words all women long to hear: "Honey, you're overreacting."
Dear Dr. Romance
She says she wants me to be more thoughtful. What does "thoughtful" mean?
Confused
Dear Confused
You know when when you're drinking orange juice and some of it slops out of the carton onto the kitchen floor, so you mop it up with your sock? That's called being thoughtful. It's also thoughtful when you put the toilet seat down.
Dear Dr. Romance
I thought I was being thoughtful when I lifted the seat in the first place.
Confused
Dear Confused
Lift it up, put it down, lift it up, put it down. Women, go figure.
Dear Dr. Romance
I gave her a Valentine's Day card, but when she read the message -- Forever Yours -- she mumbled something about the nightmare never ending, then burst into tears. Should I be worried?
Concerned
Dear Concerned
Don't worry. Women cry when they're happy. Mrs. Dr. Romance wakes up every
morning with tears of joy. Great, heaving sobs of joy.
Dear Dr. Romance
As we were driving to Vancouver yesterday, my wife told me I should be in the far right hand lane, but I ignored her. When we arrived in Prince Rupert, she asked if there was anything I wanted to say.
"Yes," I replied "I forgive you."
"You forgive me?" she said, so I put on my best Dr. Phil voice and said "Let's not quibble over who forgives whom-- what's important is that there is forgiveness." I thought this demonstrated magnanimity, but she just got mad and wanted to know why I can never admit I'm wro... wr... sorry, I can't get this word out.
Vexed
Dear Vexed
The phrase you're looking for is "romantically inclined."
Dear Dr. Romance
Is it true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?
Curious
Dear Curious
Yes, but Mrs. Dr. Romance still prefers to go straight in with a steak
knife.
Dear Dr. Romance
We were out for a Valentine's Day dinner at this super-classy restaurant last year when I asked her to change seats so that I could watch the hockey game over her shoulder. She did, but got really, really quiet after that, just kept staring at her cutlery. It was a perfect night. Should I try to
replicate it this year?
Ecstatic
Dear Ecstatic
Yes, but hide her steak knife.
