Assignment: Choose an emotion or concept which has affected you personally. Write an essay defining this emotion or concept by explaining it as definitively as possible.
Anxiety
By Kennedy Simpson
Grade 11, PGSS
Anxiety is an endless scramble of words flying one million miles an hour. If you could measure it, there would be a never-ending string coming out of your ear of what ifs and what nows. Your head is so heavy with fears and worries it feels as if you can't get out of bed.
Anxiety is missing school because of some unknown fear; even the simplest tasks such as breathing become difficult. Anxiety is work piling up and becoming so extremely overwhelming you feel as though it will never get done. It is gasping for air but being swallowed into a dark pit of fear. Every word spoken is an evil one about you; your mind works against you, a monster itching to escape.
Anxiety is a fear of closing your eyes because every time you do, your worst imaginings re-emerge. It is lying awake at night because you know if you close your eyes the monsters will envelop your soul. You carry yourself through the day haloed in a dense fog of sleepiness; only artificial sleep aids will grant you serenity.
Anxiety is hours upon hours of intense therapeutic discussions running in circles. You know your fears are irrational, but that doesn't make them any less real. It is sitting through two hours every week of group therapy wanting only to be a normal girl. It is taking two little white pills every morning in hopes it will soothe the qualm in your head.
Anxiety is an immature beast wanting to scream, shout and run wild like a mad woman. It scratches at the back of your eyeballs and the inside of your skull, hoping to escape, only to ruin your day, week, month, year or even life. It screams day and night, never stopping, only quieting so you will let your guard down; and when your guard is down it will strike.
Anxiety is panic attacks in public or private. It is standing alone in an airport with your arms going numbs and a bubble in your brain. The pressure inside your skull builds until it is nearly unbearable and you wish to explode. Your brains start to seep out of your eyes in the form of salty drops of water. You wish only to bury yourself in a hole and feel safe.
Anxiety wants to enter the bathroom and not come out; shove all the pills you can grab down your throat. Take the pain away. Anxiety is tossing and turning with no salvation in sight, crying for your mother to come calm your fears.
Anxiety is being sick to your stomach out of stress. It is making yourself vomit so you won't have to go to school and face the world. Anxiety is fear of leaving the house: it isn't safe out there.
Anxiety is an out-and-out battle; I can only hope that it is one I can win.
