She was almost frantic, as she beat the text book on my head and repeated over and over, "Would you ever stop talking Dave Fuller!"
Those were the days when teachers could do such things and Grade 11 students would generally accept them and the semi-concussions that went along with such beatings. My classmates laughed at my behaviour, which fed into my image as the class clown.
I was sent out of the room to give everybody a break. I learned that day, as if I didn't know it already, that my behaviour could affect other people. It drove some people crazy and others were affected in a more positive manner.
But why is it that some people can't deal with our behaviour? I like people and didn't really like the task at hand (math) while others in the classroom loved doing the school work and weren't too bothered about participating in the fun with the other classmates.
Recently, I gave a presentation to a group of executives, on the DISC behavioural assessment. This is an assessment that I use with all my coaching clients because it helps me understand how they are typically reacting to the world around them. It is also highly beneficial to them because it gives them feedback on how others see them.
The DISC assessment also helps people to understand how they interact in groups, with their communication and how they make decisions. It helps me see what motivates them and what kind of scenarios are un-motivating.
As a business coach I want to ensure that they get the most out of our time together and that they can benefit in their relationships at work and at home, by relating and communicating with others more effectively.
DISC is a model that gives us a framework in which we can evaluate and understand ourselves and others.
We all have models in our head that give us insight into how others might behave and how we need to react to them. Much of this is based on our upbringing and our experiences - it's really subjective.
I knew how to relate to my grandfather because I observed how my grandmother related to him. I engaged my grandmother in a different fashion because her reaction to people was different from my grandfather's.
But how can we communicate better with the people around us on a daily basis?
By understanding how different types of people will react and wish to be communicated with, we can really improve our chances of success in life and business.
Many people fear facing that customer, client or boss who is abrupt, short and cuts to the point. But have we ever thought that we might get on better with them if we gave them what they want? Maybe with that person, we should try engaging in a conversation that immediately gets to the point of dealing with the tasks at hand.
And what about that person who is flamboyant and loves people? If we communicated the same way with them, they would probably have no time for us. Chances are they want us to talk about people, not tasks, they would like you to ask about their family, to develop a relationship before trying to sell them something.
The DISC model breaks down people into basically four types.
The first is dominant. These people are your typical A-type personalities and want you to get to the point, are competitive, demanding and tough willed.
Influencers love talking, being social, and are persuasive.
Steady people are calm, careful, patient and good listeners.
Finally there are the C-types who are careful, logical and disciplined (and they might remind you of an accountant).
Most people have one dominant trait and then other traits that are less dominant but are still natural to their way of being. When we stray away from our natural style of behaviour, due to the circumstances of work or life in general, this can cause us stress.
If we are naturally an S-type, caring for others and then circumstances require that we become demanding and direct, this takes another type of energy that, over time, can take a toll on us.
In the years before I sold my retail business, we had all our employees and new hires do the DISC assessment. The result was amazing. For the first time, I understood clearly why I drove some of my staff loopy by my actions.
I realized quickly that I had some of the staff doing the wrong jobs. We used the DISC assessments to figure out which people were task orientated and which staff members were people orientated and we changed their roles accordingly.
My staff was happier, and I had a better understanding of how to approach and communicate with each of them so everyone was achieving much better results.
In hindsight, 30 years later, my teacher was probably a C-type personality and I being a high I-type must have caused her considerable frustration. If she understood people better, she might have had a better strategy for dealing with me.
If I could have related better to her, my head would have hurt less.
Dave Fuller, MBA, is a High-I business coach and the author of the Book Profit Yourself Healthy. Email dave@profityourselfhealthy if you would like to communicate better with your employees.
