I've been told by many they appreciated my candor last week on such a sensitive topic, while others have said that I've officially made myself unelectable.
This statement from the latter does not worry me, precisely because of the truth observed by the former: so much of what is wrong in our world, especially in the halls of power, is tied up in pretense and performance. I've tried my hand at both and can stomach neither - so much the better for my soul then.
We turn now to the last three deadly sins: greed, sloth and envy. In my mind, these three are really triplets or at least a triple entente, as they are perhaps the easiest vices to diagnose on mere worldly evidences alone. We have all witnessed those who can never get enough wealth in whatever form that might take, just as we have all seen those who simply remain unmotivated to change or grow, often instead relying on means and ways that keep them safe and stuck.
Where envy comes in is usually at a crossroads of these two vices and it is here that I think a brief meditation can begin. For in the end, if envy can be defined as desiring what another has without doing the work oneself, it really could be shown to be a blending between sloth and greed: it is a kind of filioque of these two other vices. And while it is true that pride is the final flowering of evil, the greatest sins begin by yearning for what another - even God - possesses.
As my final admission, I will confess that I have been envious on many occasions, but the most accessible example is my envy of the comfortable, self-assured and rather credulous group of people that make up the contemporary middle class. This includes a range from nouveau riche to entrepreneurs to career-centered professionals to upper management and some of the political class. In other words, almost everyone in the bell curve, excepting the working poor and idle rich.
I envy their lifestyles as well as their rather presumptive stance that it will all be okay, economically, spiritually, etc. The blissful ignorance and consumptive ethos of much of this class is often its most distinctive feature, along with having enough debt to make their depression-era elders faint at the mere sight of it. Truly, truly I say to you that if I could let go of my existential angst and embrace one of many pre-packaged lifestyles available I would - but I believe in souls.
Most importantly, this envy has lead me down a path of greed and sloth simultaneously.
I have become so greedy with my dollars that I avoid all unnecessary expenses like the plague; I cannot in good conscience give my money to anyone to finance yet another toy or pay down the mortgage on their second house when I cannot afford even one. I begrudge even Caesar his taxes, as he will certainly use the money on wasteful programming and redundant managers.
My envy of the bourgeoisie also makes me slovenly, as I assume the system will be up in smoke before I'm 40 and I shall never retire. Thus I cannot find the motivation to seek the best paid jobs in the land.
Why bother?
Not only would I have to endure moving for the 20th time in my adult life, as well as attending an institution that is really just another rent-seeking industrial complex of meaningless symbolism - but in the end I'll be taxed for a dream that I still won't enjoy.
If only there was some way to make the comforts of the bourgeoisie my own without the now very redundant difficulties and often barely concealed substance abuse (be it narcotics or Netflix), required to attain this worldly nirvana. I'm open to suggestions, but having entered a kind of existential despair on this point, I doubt they'll be of any help.
There is perhaps one answer to my envy, as well as my greed and sloth by association. I believe it comes from Our Lord himself: don't covet thy neighbours' wife nor house nor brand new item mostly made in China by slave labour - but rather store up for yourself treasures in heaven.
