Asking for help is a tremendous first step.
For me, I didn't know I had a problem until I tried to stop.
I did not know addiction was a chronic, relapsing, remitting disease.
I also mistakenly believed that just stopping was the only thing I needed to do.
How incredibly wrong that thinking was.
Recovery is more than just not using.My whole life needed to change.I had to challenge and become aware of my thinking.I thought about my thoughts.
This can sound overwhelming, so I suggest doing only what is in front of you right now. Recovery is possible; it is amazing and you will be blown away by what can happen for you. Take small baby steps, one action, one thought, one day at a time.
Stopping is a major first step.Too many live in denial.I thought I could do it alone and even worse, believed I didn't have a problem.In active addiction, I often blamed others - you, the world, my upbringing or parents - you name it, I blame it.Even when not using, if I find myself in resentment, anger, self pity or remorse, I know my addiction is talking to me.
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful.It outsmarts the smartest.It lies and deceives.Addiction changes neurochemistry.It creates new neuronal pathways which strengthen with use. My thinking, my perception of the world becomes distorted.Addiction requires explanations, excuses and justifications to stay alive.It needs me, to lie to myself.
I am constantly aware of my thinking, of how my disease is trying to trick me back into use.It's like a snake is inside my brain, pretending to be asleep, but it's eyes are wide open, constantly seeking, searching for something, anything it can use as an excuse, to go back into hell.
Asking for help, being honest, open minded and willing are the three main components of getting well.This is the how of recovery.Honesty requires telling the truth - to someone.Find someone you can trust.Someone who loves you.Someone who will help navigate the way.Then call someone less involved with you and your life, an outsider who has gone the same path but further along.
If I want to learn welding, I do not ask my mother to teach me, nor my spouse or my friend. I seek an expert.This means someone who knows something about welding.Not a taxi driver. Too often we go to a doctor, who despite all best intentions, does not "really" know what to do when an addict is asking which way to go.
Go to a meeting, be brave, put up your hand, say your name, own your life, claim your right to recovery.You are not a bad person wanting to get better, only a sick person trying to get well.
You will be amazed before you are halfway through.
