What happens to people when they get rich and famous?
It seems that some of them go a little nuts, with some of them go a little nuttier than others.
Take for example singing sensation Katy Perry.
After watching her cats get into little kitty fights every now and then, the singer - who it must be mentioned here is married to Russell Brand - has hired herself a "cat whisperer."
Perry said - apparently being totally serious - that the animal-behaviour specialist realigned the cats chakras and did some hypnosis.... and that it was extravagant!
She didn't say how extravagant or how he managed to align their chakras. Possibly a couple of boots to the abdomen while they were fighting got the job done.
But when you think of it, it really isn't extravagant, it is downright loonie to think that someone purporting to be a cat whisperer went into Perry's house, whispered a few things in the cats' ears and all is now well and good in the feline world.
He probably said something like, "listen you little pussy. I was on my way to a very important dinner with the dog whisperer when I got a call from your famous and rich - I might add - nut-bar owners to come over here because you three were having a bit of a tiff. I could have been eating lobster and crab legs right now, and hob-knobing with my canine friends, but instead I am here with you furry gits pretending I know something about the ins and outs of the feline world. You three had better come to some mutual agreement and stop the fighting or I will have to come back here with my friend the dog whisperer and I'm sure he could be convinced to bring one of his less-whispering Rottweillers with him. It will be more like pussy no more than pussy galore if I hear from your rich but nutty owners again."
What I want to know is, where in the city of Prince George can I hire a wife whisperer?
NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE BIGGEST BABY
We all know our society is getting more obese by the minute, but nothing underlined this more than a baby that was born to a woman in Texas recently. The newborn weighed in at an elephantine 16-pounds, 1 ounce, or for those of you in the world of metrics, really, really big.
That's more than what I weighed when I was five.
What on earth do you need to eat to to produce a Whopper (TM) that size?
The mom wanted to find out whether her son, JaMichael Brown, ranked among the biggest births in state history. JaThink?
Look, if you have a baby that weighs more than a sofa and you are limiting your search for a weight record to the state you live in, then this obesity thing is really getting out of hand.
My first call would have been to my boss to ask for a raise as there is no way I would be able to afford enough food for the "little tyke." Immediately after that I would have ordered a bigger crib, although now that I think of it a bathtub with some blankets might be the only thing with the appropriate weight rating.
Guinness World Records says the heaviest newborn ever recorded weighed 23 pounds 12 ounces. I'll give you one guess where it was born.
That's right, the good 'ol US of A.
Pretty soon babies will be carrying their mothers home from the hospitals and getting electric shavers for their first birthdays.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ENCOUNTERING FLYING SNACK PACKS
When is the last time you saw one of your friends pee in his pants after he had eaten some KFC snackers? Let me clarify that. Your friend didn't wet his trousers because he ate the snack pack, but there was a direct correlation between the chicken and the pant wetting.
Just think about what happened recently to a guy in Swansea, Wales after he tossed a chicken bone across a busy road (as thugs are apt to do in Wales) to one of his friends.
An unmarked Criminal Investigation Department police car saw the flying chicken bone and slammed on the brakes to avoid possibly hitting a 16 pounds, 1 ounce baby that might be scurrying across the road after it.
This caused other cars to hit the brakes and a chain reaction of fender-benders took place with minor injuries. One vehicle even ended up on its roof.
But it really wasn't the bone chuckers fault, after all if you lived in a place that has train station names like Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (meaning St. Mary's church in the hollow of the white hazel near to the rapid whirlpool and the church of St. Tysilio of the red cave) and numerous other words with no vowels you too might take to tossing more than chicken bones across busy roads for a laugh.
If you do, just watch out for that baby.
