My 23 year-old daughter has recently been receiving some attention from a young man who is trying to win her over with his charm. While the two of them were waiting in line outside a venue the other night, the wind was blowing cold, and she was standing next to him, shivering profusely. While the two shuffled in line, making small talk in the chilly evening air, he stood warmly bundled in his winter coat. It never crossed his mind to offer his coat to her.
That same evening he mentioned his dream Sunday afternoon involved six hours of eating nachos and watching football, and wondered out loud if she might like to join him, presumably to serve the treats and clean up. She said she'd... think about it.
She thought about it all right. She envisioned the next several years of Sunday afternoons, the TV blaring, the crowds roaring, the men eating, farting, burping, and growing fat.
Strike two. You're out. (Girls have their own baseball rules).
I have warned all my daughters that the men they date will be on their best behavior while trying to win their hearts, and that some will take a short time out from being pigs to try to impress them. While in courtship mode these young men will have their teeth freshly brushed, their faces washed and hair groomed nicely. They will graciously open doors for the ladies while wearing their best hunka-hunka-burning-love dancing shirts, clean socks, and may even have ingested fresh doses of anti-flatulence medication. These are the same boys who, until they discovered girls, were content to let boogers fester in their noses, and zits grow on their cheeks as they munched on candy and played video games. Now that they see the need for a woman in their life, some will learn to dance, just well enough to win over a pretty girl, then never do so willingly again.
There are some uncanny similarities between boy/girl relationships and advisor/client relationships in my line of work. As with choosing a mate, the differentiating factor between the keepers and the losers is unselfishness.
Here is what a good advisor should focus on first. You! This is not just an airy fairy affirmation, but a required industry standard. The Canadian Securities Industry Conduct & Practices Handbook, Section One says: "The client's interest must be the foremost consideration in all business dealings. In situations where the registrant (i.e. the advisor) may have an interest that competes with that of the client, the client's interest must be given priority."
For my daughters of marriageable age, my advice is to spend enough time with potential husbands to see them at their worst. See how they treat waitresses, little people, and their mothers and sisters on a bad day. If they show a trend of selfish behavior, beware.
For clients seeking an advisor, the parallel advice is to know an advisor well enough to see how he or she reacts to various opportunities. How does he or she treat the most vulnerable of our society? Do his or her trade recommendations reflect genuine concern for others, or a preoccupation with his or her own commission schedule? Are they genuinely interested in you, and what is going on in your life/how it might impact your finances, or do they try and figuratively get that kiss on the first date by immediately launching in to a product-push with you?
Ladies (and gentlemen) -- demand a lifelong courtship from your mate, and "till death do you part" courtesy and respect from your advisor.
Mark Ryan is an advisor with RBC Wealth Management, Dominion Securities (member CIPF). He can be reached at 250-960-4927 or at [email protected].
