I am grateful today for your comments, the silence and for this wonderful opportunity to write.These three things allow me to reflect, analyze and critique my own thinking.I get to question my words and my way of being. As an academic and scholar, I wish to engage in debate.To clarify my thoughts, I need to hear different opinions. You give me this opportunity and for that I am grateful.In that process I get to learn, I get to know me and in that, I reveal myself to me. It is truly a gift.
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful. It is both a choice and it is not. I choose to pick up, but did not choose the genetic and biological reaction I have when taking that drug/drink.I react differently than you.Most people become sleepy or nauseated when they drink too much or take narcotic drugs.Me? I become energized and happy, I feel extremely good and happy in my skin.Something wonderful and powerful happens to me when I imbibe in all that.
Take another example, which bears repeating.Biochemically I am different than you when I swallow the antibiotic Sulpha.For years, I took this drug without any adverse reaction. When first prescribed, this medication targeted only the infection. I did not react negatively or break out in a rash. After time though, with repeated exposure, I suddenly and without explanation, developed an allergy to it.I broke out in hives, I became itchy and red.The same medication no longer targeted just the bacteria, it now attacked me.Something changed within me to make my body react differently to the very same drug. I once consumed it without any trouble or annoyance but now, with continued exposure combined with my unique biological makeup, I am allergic to it and can no longer safely consume it.
Had I continued taking this medication, I might have died.This "disease" (i.e., allergy) might have progressed.All diseases and substances act like this.My biological genetic makeup determines how I react when specific substances enter my system.Some people do not react adversely when penicillin is given.Others can take it for years before an allergy develops. Some have an immediate life-threatening, anaphylactic reaction while others do not. That is the same for substance abuse.
Brain scans reveal that something changes within addicts/alcoholics when they take their substance of choice.It is here that I am not responsible.I am not responsible for my biological, genetic makeup. I am not responsible for the hives, the itchiness, the biochemical differences within me, but I am responsible if I choose to pick up.
Hope this helps to clarify. It has certainly for me.
- Questions for Ann? Send your submissions (anonymously, if you choose) to [email protected] and we'll pass them along.
