It was a very hot summer afternoon, somewhere just shy of 40 degrees, but that was not going to stop me from having a bonding moment with my son and our hometown hero.
NHL utility defenseman John Klem was bringing the Stanley Cup back, giving the local crowds the rare opportunity to line up and see it (and him) in-person.
Hot was made hotter by standing on black pavement outside the local arena for two hours. We waited in the mid-day sun for our turn to shake hands with a hockey god and get our picture taken with the famous chalice. It was to be a bonding moment, just me and my son and Canadiana.
My little guy was just over two years old, and not yet potty trained. Like any two year-old, he could load up his pants like a champion, but this dad was not thoughtful enough to have packed an extra diaper.
So yes, my little dude filled his diaper with something particularly of obnoxious about an hour into the wait, but I was not about to lose my place in line. Maybe things would speed up. Maybe somebody would offer to hold my spot while I went and bought a diaper and changed his pants.
Nope.
Heat, a stinky diaper and enough time create their own special zone of influence. The people in front of me in the line kept glancing back with perplexed faces, and the people behind me were a little less anxious to shuffle in step with us as we moved along in the sweltering heat. Several times I almost did the responsible thing and walked away, but couldn't pull myself from the draw of shiny silver.
After too long, finally, there it was - that mug of mugs. I thought I could make out the name of Bobby Orr etched in the sidewall of the cup as I reached for it and asked the caretaker to take my picture with one hand on the glorified bowl and the other cradling my understandably unappreciative son.
Caught up in the moment, I handed my steaming son to the hockey warrior and posed for a picture that became a classic. Three very distinct emotions are evident on the trio of Canadians in the photo. My son was crying profusely, I was smiling goofily, big-eyed, with both hands on the cup, and the NHL player was grimacing, holding the boy with two tentative outstretched arms, like he had found a wet puppy rolling in bear scat.
It's obvious that my son could not have possibly felt the thousands of hours of hockey indoctrination I did. Street hockey, ice hockey, TV hockey, hockey cards, hockey books, hockey talk shows, live hockey games, hockey fights, hockey scars on my face, were all part of my psyche. Hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey.
Business owners or prudent savers with children of their own might find themselves speaking a different language than their offspring from time to time. This is the result of their distinctly different experiences on the journey to a successful financial footing.
In their article: Overcoming Entitlement and Raising Responsible Next Generation Family Members, Fredda Herz Brown and Dennis T. Jaffe focus on some of the reasons differing backgrounds so significantly impact the wealth experience, even in the same family.
"Many entrepreneurs have experienced cycles of financial distress as well as affluence. While they may enjoy the fruits of success, their focus of energy has been as acquirers rather than as consumers.
"Their children often have a different experience of wealth. Family wealth has been present in their lives from birth (though older children may remember times when the parents struggled). They grew up around other wealthy families, in an environment where things were plentiful, and they feel valued and special. They experienced wealth as spenders."
Perhaps the problem can be narrowed down to a "time out."
Now that you have put a little buffer between you and poverty, take the time necessary to evaluate what just happened - I mean in the preceding 30 years or so.
Those inspiring transitions from meagrely getting by, through scraping and fighting through pitfalls and successes.
The going without. The saving. The fleeting successes followed by disappointments.
Boundless time and energy went in to it all, but what was the same period like for the kids for whom you have been providing? Did we bring them on the journey with us, or did circumstances mean they could only be there for the payoff?
And now what?
After a lengthy career (25 years) working with entrepreneurs and diligent savers, my advice would be that you get off the freeway for a moment and talk to someone who can help you piece together the whatafter.
I can't speak for other firms, but this consultation is extremely valuable, and in our case, a complimentary service for our select clients. Take the time and give it a close look. There is much to gain and just as much to lose if the proper planning is not carried out.
Mark Ryan is an advisor with RBC Wealth Management, Dominion Securities (member CIPF) and can be reached at [email protected].
