I've had a lot of focus on nutrition and emotional eating these days, one might think that my physical fitness has taken a back seat. Food has been and is currently my biggest battle, but I haven't let my physical health drop by the wayside. I may not be dropping the pounds, but there have been some very noticeable changes in my strength, my energy and my overall ease of movement.
Just 'being' is easier. My major motivator to keep hitting the gym is the desire to finally enjoy my life, to get out and live regardless of what size I am. I enjoy bike riding, kayaking, small hikes, and exploring outdoors all of which does not require a person to be a size 4. I don't have the Tour de Jasper to prepare for this summer anymore, but I have made it a goal to complete the tour in the summer of 2015.
In a way, the cancellation of this year's tour may have been blessing in disguise. My whole life has been a series of diets, of losing a lot of weight and promptly gaining it back. I have a strong suspicion that had I actually made it to the bike tour this summer, I would have gained the weight back because as was typical of every other time I crushed a goal, I would be so focused on calories consumed, and calories burned, I would work my butt off, and by the time I reached my goal I hadn't really learnt how to 'live' a healthy life, I just knew how to restrict myself enough to lose the weight, then pack it back on when the realities of having to live life that way just was not doable.
With a goal of doing the Tour de jasper in the summer of 2015, I've given myself a lot of time to make sure I learn how to do things the right way, of slowly building up my fitness level where time spent in the gym won't seem overwhelming and will seem more like a part of my life. I will have had time to work with the dietician on my food issues and slowly develop a normal way of eating, of working with a therapist on body issues and hopefully gain an overall feeling of normalcy with an active and healthy life.
I don't expect everything to go smoothly, or that I have this all figured out, but one thing I am certain of, is that I have a good grasp on what I need to do, what resources are available to me, and that it will take persistence, time, and support (of which I have plenty from family friends and coworkers which I am incredibly thankful for).
Rain or shine, a great summer is on it's way, I have some great things lined up from camping trips to kayaking this year, and then a trip in the winter to beautiful Belize full of experiences that will require me to be active. All great reasons to keep moving, because although I don't yet have control over all the factors in my life that I want too, l can still hit the gym, build strength, improve my endurance, and enjoy life even at a size 16.
