Like Brigadoon, the seventh door of Kun Lun or a crack shortage in downtown Prince George, a once-in-a-generation event may be occurring on the northern B.C. political scene.
In a story in Tuesday's National Post, Prince George-Peace River MP and Conservative Government House leader Jay Hill is pondering an end to his 17-year stint in federal politics. Admittedly, he's only thinking of retiring but, in the spirit of feasting on a not-quite corpse, the thought of one of the safest Tory seats in the land becoming vacant must get those who are ambitious and right wing salivating just a little.
Heck, with Hill slated to collect a $142,637 a year pension, according to the Canadian Taxpayers Federation, there's probably a few born-again Conservatives eyeing the riding as well.
And in today's economy, it's as safe a job as any - if you can secure the Conservative nomination. According to Parliament's website, the last person who wasn't a Tory/Reformer/Canadian Alliance party member to win Prince George-Peace River is worthy of an obscure Don Taylor reference ("showing flashes of the Liberal's Bob Borrie, circa 1968"). Coming close is a chore: since it was renamed in 1978, a non-right-wing candidate has only cracked the 10,000 vote mark in the riding once - Alan Timberlake in 1988 - and that was because the then-Conservative candidate, Frank Oberle, saw his core support siphoned off by a farmer running for Preston Manning's Reform named ... Jay Hill.
So, who might want the job? A name like Colin Kinsley may be thrown out there but the man's already had a political career that's as lush as a gin blossom and besides ... Williams Shatner still needs a stunt double. Mayor Dan Rogers could contemplate doing the Ol'Municipal-Federal two-step but one wonders (and delights!) at the prospect of Stephen Harper meeting Foxy DeRossi.
Musically, a good choice for Harper would be former Social Credit stalwart, Citizen columnist and fellow piano player Bruce Strachan. While, like most of the free world, Strachan would sit to the left of Harper, perhaps the only thing that could save the PGSO is the newly-minted MP and current prime minister slaying Chop Sticks in Vanier Hall (ending with Harper saying, "No Bruce, I am not doing 'Candle in the Wind' as an encore ... well, if I get to do the lyrics ...")
On a more serious note, despite the tenor of the John Ivison piece that brooked Hill's retirement speculation ("Manning's Reformers fade away") the party might be looking to return to its more hearty, populist grassroots for this riding. In that respect, Eugene Fetterly, who could be described as the Ozzy Osbourne of Prince George politics for the fear he'd publicly bite the head off a City Hall bureaucrat should he ever win the mayor's chair, would be a fine choice. True, the Tories already have the rich man's Eugene Fetterly - John Baird - but one suspects the Conservative's psychotic tea kettle watches old tape of Fetterly to hone his game.
Should the Tories be looking for more star power, Wiebo Ludwig would make a great replacement for Hill. Few candidates on a local level tie a national profile, a hatred of big government and strong family values to the established green credentials Ludwig possesses and the Conservatives sorely lack. He's a little shaky on law and order and may cause some consternation among the Conservatives' Big-Energy backers; he'd probably be better as the RCMP's next civilian commissioner.
That said, Fetterly and Ludwig may be a bit too animated for Stephen Harper and the Tories; part of the current PM's peculiar genius is taming the more pecan- and almond-flavoured parts of his party with a Margaret Thatcher-type attitude to his caucus (the Economist put it thusly, describing the legendary British PM ordering dinner with her cabinet: "Steak or fish?" asks the waiter. "Steak, of course," she replies. "And for the vegetables?" "They'll have steak as well.")
What's needed is a popular figure, a Made-in-P.G. figure, a man on the street if you will. He'll be easily recognizable, used to the tarring, if not the feathering, that comes with public life, and, best of all for the PMO, he'll speak volumes about the crumbling state of the country's infrastructure without saying a word.
Meet Jay Hill's possible replacement and new Tory candidate for Prince George-Peace River: Pot Hole.
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