A common portrayal of fathers, from Father Knows Best to All In The Family, The Cosby Show, The Simpsons, Married With Children and Modern Family are dads as loveable dopes, befuddled by change, easily manipulated by children, both young and grown and lost without the steady hand of their wives. They are ignored or mocked when they puff out their chests in ridiculous displays of masculinity or go on rants about the way things should be.
This stereotype is funny but, like all great humour, the joke is based in reality. As Red Forman would say, all dads are dumbasses.
In real life, however, dad dumbassery has real consequences.
From Abraham's willingness to kill his son to impress God to a drunken Lot unaware he's had sex with his daughters, dads have a long history of harmful decisions made as head of the household. The father jailed for incest this week is just one in a series of horrible sexual crimes local dads have committed against their families.
These adult males don't deserve to be referred to as men, never mind to be called father or dad. They have relinquished their responsibilities as men to satisfy their twisted desires for control and power, forgetting that it is a privilege to be a man and an honour to be a father. These worst offenders sit on the extreme of a continuum of pathetic behavior by men in general and dads in particular, ranging from abuse to neglect to childish selfishness.
Men can't claim to not know better because there are role models everywhere. The past two Fridays brought the deaths of Muhammed Ali and Gordie Howe, two outstanding examples from professional sports of how real men and fathers devote themselves to excellence, perseverance, morality, mentoring and service.
Ali's athletic arrogance was a demand for respect from a black man who had proven his worth to a white establishment that had done nothing but hold him down. He fought for himself, his family, his race and his religion in a hopeful effort to make the world better for all blacks and all Muslims.
Meanwhile, Howe was the consummate team player, telling rookies who to watch out for and that if they ran into trouble, the feared Howe elbow would be unleashed in their defence, backed up by his fists if necessary. After the game, Howe opened up his home to those same young men, away from their families for the first time and in need of guidance and a home-cooked meal.
Both Ali and Howe craved the spotlight and were driven to win but they were considerate and giving to others, with their money and their time. Their example is clear: to be a champion, to be a father, to be a man, requires a big heart, full of competitive fire but also overflowing with generosity and love.
Sadly, for every one of them, there seems to be 100 other men who build themselves up by tearing others down. The men and fathers who cry the loudest for respect are the least deserving of it.
A man writing a letter to the editor declaring that the local LGBTQ community's sombre vigil Monday for the victims of Orlando was nothing more than a photo opportunity is not only disrespectful but maliciously ignorant.
Ignorant that the public mourning of the murdered victims of a senseless shooting is no more or less legitimate than the annual community tribute to victims of war.
Ignorant that LGBTQ individuals continue to be persecuted, and even murdered, for their identity.
Ignorant to the irony that a public demand to be honoured for being straight is dishonourable.
The noblest of men are humble enough to accept others not like themselves, to listen to those with opposing views, to admit that changing the national anthem from "all thy sons" to "all of us" is simply the appropriate thing to do. The most gracious of fathers raise sons free to disagree with everything their old man believes, except how to be decent and loving.
Devoting a Sunday in June for fathers is as silly as setting aside a children's day. Every day is Father's Day. Every dad should wake up every day and ask not what their family can do for them but what they can do for their family.
Get up off your butts, stop feeling sorry for yourselves and put away your pettiness, dads.
Be that kind of man.
