It's frustrating having a brain injury. Because I was highly skilled in so many areas, I forget about my new normal. I am reminded of this every day.
Because of our pandemic, I've been needing some items that I'm unable to purchase in stores. I decided to order summer clothing online. One of my friends Lynn is a consultant for a line of cute women's clothing, shoes and accessories. She provided me with a 10 per cent discount and directed me to register on the company web site.
It was too much for my little brain to handle so Lynn registered me. Then I attempted to order shorts, tops and sandals. Nope, couldn't do that either. There were too many steps to follow and my brain shut off. So, Lynn ended up submitting my order. I'm very lucky to have friends who understand my struggles and help me out often.
My friend Pam is a regular customer with Hello Fresh, a meal kit delivery service. Pam constantly raves about the food so I was interested in trying it out. She called me one day and said Hello Fresh was offering one week of free meals to friends of regular customers. I was so excited!
Pam explained I could choose a meal plan and select from a variety of tasty dishes. I got on my computer, went to the Hello Fresh site and began to order my one week of free meals. Again there were too many steps, I developed a headache and gave up.
If Pam lived here in Prince George, she could have come over to help me. I was very disappointed that I missed out on this opportunity.
With brain injury, it is very common for survivors to experience problems processing information whether it's verbal, written or online. Unfortunately I experience all three like many of my peers.
Last fall, I had a neuro-psychological assessment done. The results were devastating. For processing and short-term memory, I am at the 10th percentile. This means that 90 per cent of women my age and similar education are that much higher functioning than me in these areas. These were key skills I needed to have in my job as a social worker.
I have since been able to achieve a level of acceptance of where my brain is at. However, I am constantly reminded of my deficits and this is difficult to manage at times.
Thankfully my language skills had not been impacted from brain injury. If it had, I would not be able to write this column. Being able to write these articles has truly been a life saver!
At the Brain Injury Group (BIG) where I receive individual and group support, our favourite saying is "it is what it is." This has become my mantra. I can't deny that I am grieving the loss of the person I once was. I really miss her.
However, I have to keep telling myself that I am living a new reality now. To fight against it would cause me and the people in my life immense pain and torment. I can't help where I am. I need to keep going and find other meaningful projects and activities that I can be successful at.
Recently, I was running out of groceries and wasn't interested in waiting in a lineup and practicing safe distancing. I thought "I can order on line and have the groceries delivered!" Having poor short-term memory can be such a pain because I forget I don't have the skills anymore to order online. I started ordering groceries and when I arrived at the payment section my bill was close to $600. What the heck?
I was confused and upset. Why were the groceries so expensive? After I calmed down and went through my order, I discovered I had duplicates and triplicates of items.
It is what it is. (Sigh).
