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On the Secretaries of Henchmen

It's not everyday a country is born. To be sure, even in my short lifetime, I have seen several countries come into existence, thanks to the desolation of the Soviet empire and a few ethnic partitions.

It's not everyday a country is born. To be sure, even in my short lifetime, I have seen several countries come into existence, thanks to the desolation of the Soviet empire and a few ethnic partitions. But what many of us have not seen in awhile is the birth of a country wholly dedicated to violence and world domination. I'm speaking of course of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, better known as ISIS.

In what feels like a bad script in a James Bond parody, the world witnessed the establishment of this shady "caliphate" at the end of June, complete with members of its government that might as well be designated Ministers of Evil or Secretaries of Henchmen. Even the fascists and communists of the 20th century had the common decency to be clever when naming their propagandists and secret police chiefs, yet ISIS seems satisfied to jump sharks wherever possible, though I doubt they understand what that means. Their directors of human resources put a whole new spin on that title by being in charge of nothing less than the worst possible activities: training and arming suicide bombers, the housing of foreign supporters of their cause, and prison camps for the poor souls they've captured.

Human resources indeed.

One also ought to note the motto this group of rebels espouses: remaining and expanding. Call me a skeptic, but that doesn't sound like a country that's going through a rough period now with the hopes of democratic equality and peace for all later. I admit that it would be unfair to criticize their expansionist hopes without acknowledging the long history of British colonialism; but then again, between sad moments of oppression, England gave us the steam engine, parliamentary democracy, and high tea. I do not hold any hope of ISIS's ability to provide more than IED's and masked misogyny to the population under their control - a control they hope to expand to encompass the entire globe.

Where do they think they get the right to do these terrible things? From a corrupted view of God and their relationship with Him, of course. This is clear from their choice to call the new "state" a caliphate, which is a reference to the Islamic Empires of antiquity, some of which spanned all the way from India to Spain. While these ancient empires had a wealth of learning and innovation, I very much doubt ISIS is interested in pursuing such productive activities. They desire to found an absolutist state, which is really only comparable in the West to remaking a theocracy like the Holy Roman Empire. I'm a devout Catholic, but like my Muslim brothers and sisters in the West, I'm glad to have church and state stay separate, since that is a requirement for such a diverse society such as ours. Without peaceful co-existence, modernity would be doomed.

So what is to be done about these sad excuses for human beings? Well, given that they have made an ultimatum to the civilized world, they probably deserve one in return: lay down your weapons or prepare to be destroyed. An advanced warning to all civilians to clear the area is also appropriate, but after about seven days of non-compliance by their overlords, those still present in strongholds can expect to see a rather lethal fireworks show thanks to NATO and the gang. And once the dust has settled, special forces ought to be deployed to capture any living leaders to be tried for war crimes at the international court.

These actions are not suggestions, they are imperatives, since allowing a weed like ISIS to take root in such a fragile region will put the entire globe at risk. We have made the mistake of appeasing great evil before - let us not make that mistake again.