As we enter the latter half of Lent, I am faced with a choice.
It is obvious at this point that we are indeed journeying through various mediations on the deadly vices, particularly as they relate to myself. But given the number of Wednesdays left, and the number of vices, I will clearly have to expand on some rather than others. And here one is faced with a particular temptation, as some of these vices are clearly easier to write about publicly than others.
In case you've forgotten, we've dwelled upon Pride, Gluttony and Wrath so far, leaving Greed, Envy, Sloth, and, that trickiest of topics, Lust.
And while I promised that this space would not be utilized in place of the confessional, I do also believe that the last of those listed is indeed the one that ought to be given as thorough an examination as possible, if only because of the prevalence of disordered attachment, sexual objectification and misinformed emotivism today.
For the sake of decency and brevity, I will make no lists nor write any names. But I think it is simply enough to state here and now that as a heterosexual, unmarried man, I have indeed wanted women or things from women that in a certain manner of speaking they could not give me, and that by inference this might be the basis of so much romantic unhappiness in our world.
I know that for myself, I have indeed desired physically and spiritually for my various romantic interests through the years to be all-fulfilling, in capacities that range from caregiving to romance when put politely, but are often called the "madonna/whore" complex in shorthand.
And when my other half, real, imagined, and everything inbetween, failed to fulfill me completely, I often did visit vengeance upon her, for which I am sincerely sorry and will be duly judged.
Furthermore, if the shorthand used above is so often the case for the "male to female" relation, I believe that an apt description in the reverse is the "God/servant" complex or perhaps "protector/adventurer."
My point simply being that while male fantasy is often dominated by rather virile yet virginal females, the female expectation, whether baseless or grounded, often seems to be a cycle of being protected then chased, or being dominated then challenging said domination.
And here is the crux of the question at hand - female and male relations are indeed cyclical, but the yearning in them, mental, physical, emotional and spiritual, cannot be satisfied.
Or put another way, the yearning of the human heart has an infinite appetite, which leads logically to the assertion that we must long for an eternal satisfaction.
Does such a satisfaction exist?
Those of us with faith do believe so, by reason, revelation, and, our own experiences.
But to go a step further, the issue in our world today is that people are taught to believe that romantic and sexual experiences are simply one more consumable item, no different from using a service or purchasing a vehicle.
This idea is so prevalent, that at this point there is very little innocence left in our world: even young teens now have their views shaped by free pornography, and both sexes break marriages with equal frequency to pursue adulterous adventures.
Why does any of this matter?
Well, if we are anything other than mammals on the Discovery channel with made up rights that we can also disregard to mutually abuse ourselves as long as we're of a certain age and blood-alcohol content, then we are down a very dark path indeed.
Or put another way, why has anyone ever taken their own or their lover's life if the physical and mental aspects of love all mean nothing? Why kill for something that isn't sacred?
I will conclude here that the prevalence of sexual fantasy and frustration points to its own solution.
The saintly and the lustful both yearn for ultimate fulfillment - the difference being one simply knows it cannot be achieved on their own power.
