Well, hey there, neighbour. Little did I know that when I moved to College Heights four years ago, I'd be getting to know you in such a fun fashion: by spending spring days picking up your garbage from the greenbelt behind my house.
I do feel I know you in a very intimate way, but in case you were wondering, no I don't really enjoy picking up your baby's well-used diapers, your sanitary napkins or observing your somewhat questionable dietary choices, thanks for asking. It is one more joyous ritual of spring. Yes, I know you think it is those pesky bears, they cannot be trained to leave your garbage alone and those darn conservation officers just refuse to shoot them for you. I know they've chatted with you about your garbage choices, and I tend to agree with them on this one, it is not a bear issue, it is a stupid human issue. It is sad the bears cannot be trained, but neither apparently can you, my lovely neighbours, who year after year leave your garbage so happily available and then seem surprised when Yogi Bear comes a-callin'.
And I understand why you won't spend $5 on a bungee cord (which really does work, I use it myself), I've seen what you eat, and hey the liquor and fast food won't buy themselves and let's not forget those diapers! You could use some of that handyman skilll on this, one of my neighbors has a neat little wire, screw and hook arrangement that is sweet, cheap and effective and one day I'll make his acquaintance by asking him to show me how, since I'm not getting to know him through his garbage.
Yes, yes, I know, this is a city, not the sticks and what are bears (and moose and deer and foxes) doing messing up the neighbourhood, hey? Perhaps you'd prefer the more sterile confines of rats, pigeons and cat-eating coyotes of Vancouver or Toronto, to all this nasty wilderness. In spite of having to pick up your garbage every year, I like the bears. It's nice to see humans haven't taken over everywhere. So, in neighbourliness, can I ask, as I'd like to know you a little less well, would you mind buying a bungee cord and locking away your garbage? If you ask, I might buy you a cord. Strong cords, good neighbours.
Annie Booth
Prince George
