I have to admit I am only beginning to understand the concept of forgiveness.
It is noticeable, however, that it is a common thread in the lives of the people whom I most deeply admire.
I can imagine Nelson Mandela sitting in his tiny prison cell fighting an internal battle to keep from losing hope. Somehow, he came to the realization that hate was futile, that he had to see supporters of apartheid as struggling human beings. He came to the realization that he could understand them and love them if he chose to do so, and he was thus able to forgive them. After these ideas permeated his spirit, prison walls were no longer able to hold him.
Mohandas Gandhi also understood that forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, of compromising or being conquered by another. Forgiveness actually releases us from the bondage of cruelty imposed upon us. Forgiveness allowed the people of India to say to their British colonizers, "we are not like you, we refuse to embrace hatred and anger, we choose to forgive, and thus we are free of your control."
Of course, Mandela and Gandhi had their faults, as did their followers. Perfect humans do not exist, but great humans model ideals which are within the reach of all of us.
After losing most of her family in the Rwandan Genocide, Immaculee Ilibagiza met the man who had killed her mother and brother. When this disheveled man was dragged out of his prison cell and brought before her all that she could say was "I forgive you." What purpose would hatred and vengeance serve her? They would not bring back her family, they would only prevent her from fully living her own life.
Filmmaker Tyler Perry stated in an interview how difficult it was for him to forgive his abusive father. When he did so, however, his struggling career as an actor and playwright turned a page. It was as if a cloud lifted and he was finally able to live the life he dreamed of and reach millions of people with his art.
Forgiveness, however, is very counter-cultural. We have a justice system designed to extract an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. This is not to say that a government is not obliged to protect its citizens from unscrupulous corporations and individuals. Laws are necessary and some people are dangerous and need to be kept away from the rest of society, at least for a time. This does not mean they cannot be forgiven, however.
What Mandela, Gandhi, Ilibagiza and Perry realized is that those who hurt others live in their own bondage of fear and guilt. Supporters of apartheid in South Africa, for example, lived behind fences; they literally created their own prisons in their efforts to oppress the rest of the population.
We have all been hurt. We often carry resentments and even hatred for others. Ultimately, however, we need to ask ourselves if this attitude is serving us.
What would our homes be like if we could look upon our family members as the frail human beings they are? What would our workplaces be like if we could see our bosses and coworkers as people with worries and fears? What would our societies be like if we saw corporatists as individuals living in terror of losing their material wealth? What would our governments be like if we saw those with different political views as people who may actually have some good ideas? What if we could even look upon ourselves with the same compassion?
Forgiveness is not easy, but it does set us free and allow us to live to our true potential. Great people are great because they model what we can all achieve and forgiveness is a common denominator among them.
Gerry Chidiac is a champion for social enlightenment, inspiring others to find their greatness in making the world a better place. For more of his writings, go to www.gerrychidiac.com
