I've been on so many flights recently, seat etiquette has become a big deal to me.
For starters, even if you're too big to fit in one seat, and your seatmate is not, like you, spilling out over his or her chair, this doesn't give you the right to let it all hang out.
At the very least, try to suck it in a little.
I paid just as much for my uncomfortably small seat as you, and I'd like the chance to enjoy it just as much.
This brings me to the armrest issue.
Why is it always the other person who thinks the middle armrest was put there solely for their pleasure?
Is there a rule about shared armrests?
Perhaps the airlines could spend as much time explaining airline etiquette as they do telling us how to open the emergency exit in case of a crash.
I've been in far more unpleasant seat-sharing experiences than I have crashes.
And if the plane smashes into the ground from 20,000 feet, I doubt there'll be any shortages of openings.
So the question really is, how do you get a double-seat to yourself, without of course having to pay for it?
The swine flu gave me the answer.
The minute you get on the plane, start complaining of stomach upset, headaches and overall body pain. Throw in a bit of whining about your nose running and severe diarrhea, all the while mentioning how the entire population of Mumbai or Delhi or even London was sick with the flu during your visit.
And how, having spent two weeks there, you thought you'd escaped uninfected.
But maybe not.
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Not being completely foreign to prayer, I was fascinated by this priceless item, which came across my desk last week. Some of the more hard-core readers might even recognize its origin.
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
God, please grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway.
The good fortune to run into the ones I do.
And the eyesight to tell the difference.
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News of the new Lucy Lawless series prompted some serious newsroom discussion.
Apparently, the show has what some are describing as the most explicit sex scenes ever filmed for conventional TV.
"Well, who doesn't like sex?" declared executive producer Steven S. DeKnight in a Canadian Press story. He says that back in Roman times, when this series is set, there was "a completely different idea about sex - it was much more open and free, and it was pre-Christian constraints."
For one thing, says DeKnight, it was acceptable then to have sex with slaves. The producers take full advantage of that in this U.S. cable series, pushing the boundaries of community standards with daring scenes of both male and female nudity.
"I personally don't think it's graphic, but that's me," says DeKnight. "It's not just cue the funky music and they start having sex. It's not that."
It was graphic enough to give Lawless pause. She said it was "weird having the slave characters in your personal space. As modern people, we like to have a nice, wide personal space."
Co-star John Hannah ("Four Weddings and a Funeral"), who plays the slave-owner husband of Lawless's character, agrees. "It's kind of embarrassing and a bit strange," he says, "although (the sex is) as choreographed and physically composed as the fight scenes."
After reading this aloud, it was suggested Spartacus would be must-see TV.
One of the more statesman-like gentlemen in the room suggested he used to watch stuff like that when he was 30-something, but now he finds soft-core porn about as satisfying as watching the food network. He said something about eating the meal rather than watching someone prepare it on TV.
To which someone else suggested there's nothing stopping one from eating a good meal while watching someone else cook. And besides, it might add a little spice to your life.
