I stopped at the intersection, unable to go further. Needing to cross the busy road in front of me, I was unable. My heart was pounding in my ears and it felt like my chest would explode. I was gasping for breath, shaking, immobile. I became aware of a loud noise - along with a voice - banging on the driver's window. An angry face, my fear increased, I think I screamed. Everything went black.
The next thing I remember is something on my face and a calm voice.
"Just take normal breaths, in and out, nice and slow."
This is what I recall from an onset of anxiety many years ago. I am a counsellor and had, at the time this occurred, treated anxiety - successfully - many times over.
I moved to Prince George from Southern Ontario five years ago to be close to my daughter and her family. We all live together, my daughter, her husband and my two granddaughters and myself. It's an adventure I wouldn't trade for anything.
After a long career in mental health, brain injury rehabilitation and developmental services, I retired and hoped to just help care for the family and do some sewing. Now, five years into retirement, I work part time as a counsellor, coordinate a grief program at my church, host a blog and always have new irons in the fire somewhere.
My first awareness of a mental health struggle myself was when I had my daughter 30-plus years ago and experienced postpartum depression (PPD). It is hard to know how much was PPD and how much was just a very difficult transition to parenthood, but eventually my marriage ended and I found myself returning to school to study psychology. I don't think I ever fully got back to myself in terms of depression, but the intensity lessened and I told myself I was fine.
The second time my mental health needed attention was many years later when I was in two car crashes within two years. This led to an increase in depressive symptoms and an encounter with anxiety, a new mental health experience. I had treated many people with anxiety disorders by this time, but experiencing it gave me a whole new perspective. Even though I knew how to treat anxiety, that didn't mean I didn't need help. A wonderful psychologist helped me through that season of my life and now when I experience times of anxiety I am well equipped to address it.
My desire to share this and so much more about mental health grows out of the pervasive stigma that is sadly still attached to mental health issues. Although it is widely documented and understood that mental health issues are not a choice, a failing, or a condition that makes one dangerous to others, stigma persists. This is at least in part because the average person does not have the necessary information to distinguish between mental health disorders and some other disorders.
For example, the layperson often confuses mental health disorders with developmental disorders. It is human nature that what we don't understand, we fear. But there is little need to fear someone with a mental health diagnosis or a development disability for that matter.
One in 10 people will experience a mental health issue in their lifetime and many more will support a person with a mental health diagnosis. Most of us are still functioning well enough that you would not look at us and discern our diagnosis and many people you encounter each day are dealing with a mental health diagnosis.
My daughter, who also works in the field of mental health and has her own story to share with you, will be alternating from week to week with me, so next week you will have the pleasure of meeting her.
Although this is definitely not an advice column, we welcome topic suggestions or general questions.
Thanks for joining in the discussion with us.
