The death of a pet is tough enough for us but it is often the first experience a child has with death and the grieving process. How one handles that sensitive situation is important. Honesty is the key word. Sugar coating death will only lead to distrust from the child. Honesty assists with enabling a child to deal with other uncomfortable situations in the future.
Children are intensely curious beings. It is so important to use proper language when addressing the subject. To tell a child that a pet has been "put to sleep" will conjure up all kinds of misled thoughts in imaginative minds. Do not be afraid to use upsetting words such as ?died?, ??death??, ?dying?.
The grieving process is different for all members of the family. Usually between ages two through five children do not understand it at all. From about age six, the reaction is different. Some may be quiet. However, they are generally very curious. Keep in mind that your mood will affect the child?s. It is ok to show emotion in front of your child. In fact, it is important to. It demonstrates your son or daughter that it is alright to express their feelings. Above all, do not be afraid to just sit and cry along with your child. It is normal! Do not be alarmed, however, if your child does not show emotion.
If you must euthanize your pet due to illness, include your child in that process. Explain about the pet?s quality of life and that doing this will prevent unnecessary suffering. Don?t say that the pet has gone away. That will typically leave an element of hope that the pet may return. Your veterinarian is also a good source for this tough reality check. Some veterinary offices offer a "family appointment?? to allow the family to be part of this process. Everyone gets a chance to say goodbye. Many parents wonder if allowing a child to be present will affect them in a negative way later on in life but often it allows closure. When in doubt ask your child.
Death due to a car accident, since it is so sudden, is generally more difficult to deal with. Again be honest. Do not try to sugar coat the accident. Once again your veterinarian can also play a part in the explanation.
After your pet?s death, there are several ways to commemorate the pet. You can get the pet cremated and scatter the ashes in a special place. You can make a marker and put in your pet?s favourite spot. Remembrance albums are also a good way to commemorate a pet. Sit down with your child and encourage him or her to draw pictures, perhaps depicting a favourite moment with your pet. There are books available on this topic that can also help.
The wrong thing to do is to run out and get another pet right away. Pets, like people, cannot be replaced. You can, however, open up your home and hearts to a new member of the family in due time. As one who has been there, you will know when the time is right. Death and dying is hard enough for adults to deal with. It is unimaginable for a child, but respect them and be honest. Remember they are our future and they will remember. Allow them to grieve their own way. Give them the space to do so.
E mail me at tracks@jokat.ca and let?s talk animals.
