After a teenaged girl was featured sobbing on the front page of The Province in the summer of 1998, when the forest fire in Salmon Arm destroyed her home in Silver Creek, an old lady in Vancouver made a kind and loving gesture that was also rude and inconsiderate.
She boxed up clothes that had once been worn by her daughter two decades earlier and put them in the mail, putting only the name of the young girl from the photo caption in the newspaper and Salmon Arm as the address.
Salmon Arm is a small enough place that the postmaster knew enough people to ask around to get the parcel to the teenager. The look on her face when she opened the parcel and saw the clothes that would have fit in well on the set of Saturday Night Fever told a complex story. She was thankful someone thought of her to do that but simultaneously horrified and outraged that this lady thought a teenaged girl would want this old, previously worn junk.
Thankfully, none of it fit and even if it had, it would have gone straight to the thrift store.
In times of crisis, empathy takes over (Gerry Chidiac talks about the research in this area in his column that will be out in Thursday's Citizen Extra) but like any other instinctive response, it might not be for the best, regardless of the warm, fuzzy feelings behind it.
That's because they're your warm, fuzzy feelings, which is the last thing the victims of any crisis actually cares about. They're too busy worry about the families, their homes, their belongings, where they're sleeping that night and where their next meal is coming from to worry about your Good Samaritan urges.
Naturally, as it did during the Fort McMurray wildfire disaster, Facebook lit up with well-meaning but equally thoughtless individuals wanting to be seen doing something. Save your junk for your next garage sale and devote your good intentions to what others need to happen, not what you feel you need to do.
It's about others, not about you.
Don't show up at any of the emergency response centres with crappy old appliances and the worn clothes out of your closet. Those should go to the Salvation Army and other area thrift stores, who will make those donations available to evacuated individuals on an as-needed basis.
If you must do something, your cash is the most valuable thing you can give. Visit redcross.ca, look for the B.C. Fires Appeal and have your credit card handy. If you feel the need to lend a hand, stop by the reception desk at CNC and sign up for orientation and training. Don't just show up expecting to be told how wonderful you are for helping out and being immediately put to work.
If you want to host people in your home or have them stay in their RV, trailer or camper in your driveway, offer to do so on the city's Facebook page and on your own.
Also with social media, spreading rumours about what you thought you heard someone say about the fires, which highways are open or closed and so on does far more harm than any good you think you might be doing.
Empathy is great but don't let it get in the way of common sense.
Helping out is great but sometimes the best way to help is to just stay out of the way and let people do their jobs. Don't for a moment feel bad if that's all you can give because that's still much better than being part of the problem.
-- Editor-in-chief Neil Godbout
