Saint Teresa of Calcutta said, "there is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread."
No matter who we are, we like to be appreciated, and being complimented can inspire us to greatness.
As a teacher, I know how important it is for me to compliment my students. Criticism quickly loses its effectiveness; people begin to simply tune out.
Sincere compliments, however, never become old. In fact, when criticism is necessary it becomes much more effective if we are generally complimentary.
Behaviourists tell us that what is rewarded gets repeated. This is why parents and teachers often see bad behaviour persisting in children. If a child feels neglected and notices that she gets attention from bad behaviour, she will continue to do it.
When we can turn this around and begin reward positive behaviour with positive affirmations, the bad generally diminishes and is replaced by good behaviour.
What is true for children is true for all of us.
According to psychologist and researcher John Gottman, the happiest marriages are those where compliments outnumber criticisms by more than five to one.
Research is also demonstrating that complimenting others is good for us. It makes us feel good and it boosts our own self-confidence. Our compliments help us to see the good in ourselves, and they help us to realize that we have something very positive to share with the world.
Some workplaces frown on employees giving compliments to their superiors because it is assumed that they are given to gain favour. We need to remember, however, that those in high places also need to know when they are doing well. When the boss feels good about herself, the atmosphere is much more likely to be positive.
Sincere compliments can have a tremendous impact in any environment, and we never know how far reaching they can be.
Long after I had been well established in my teaching career, I began blogging and sending my work to friends. I was pleasantly surprised when several of them commented on how they appreciated my words. This then gave me to courage to contact my local newspaper to offer to write a column.
Again, I was astounded by the wonderful compliments I received and this inspired me to continue to expand the reach of my commentaries.
Today I reach possibly hundreds of thousands of people with a message that will hopefully brighten their days and inspire them to let their own lights shine. None of this would have happened without the kind words of people along the way, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude. How different things may have been if these wonderful people had been silent.
I have always tried to compliment others and create positive relationships with them. I never realized the impact I was having until I won a new car in a draw.
I have to admit that the thrill of winning nearly became secondary to me when I began reading and hearing all of the kind words from others in my community. "It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy." "I am so happy that it was you who won."
These words just made my heart glow, and I could not help but communicate how much this meant to me.
The Book of Proverbs tells us that "life and death are in the power of the tongue."
When we use our words to build others up, we inadvertently build ourselves up and create a better world for everyone.
Yes, criticism is necessary sometimes, but in our day-to-day interactions it is much more important to feed each other's need for love and appreciation.
