It is a little known fact that parents with kids who do not sleep are suspicious of parents who have kids that do.
It is not to say that we don't believe the parents of sleeping kids, it is just that we don't believe you. And we are jealous.
Very, very jealous.
I am writing my column in the wee hours of the morning (2 a.m.- ish) because I was having a restless sleep. As I clawed to the surface of wakefulness, I discovered my daughter sleeping at the end of our bed and her surprisingly heavy legs were lying on top of me. I tried to wake her to send her back to bed but she either ignored me or was sleeping heavily (likely the former) and, as such, I was forced to carry her back to her bed.
Sleeping children are cute, particularly when they are actually sleeping and not when you have to schlep them around at an ungodly hour hoping that you don't trip on a toy in their room.
I popped her back into her own bed with minimal grunting and tried to go back to sleep but, rather than sleeping, I started to think about Christmas presents and shopping and work and money. I was quite awake when my daughter came back into room less than half an hour later because she had a nightmare that her dad had two faces.
I brought her back to her own bed, making sympathetic, groggy noises, and lay down with her in her tiny bed until she was back in dreamland. Still planning Christmas in my head, I went back to bed with the faint hope that I would fall instantly asleep when my head hit the pillow.
I did not.
The pillow was too hard - I should buy new pillows. - Hey, I should buy a new sheet set. Does so-and-so needs new sheets too? Towels, though, I hope I get towels. Have I bought towels since our wedding? I wonder what colour of towels I want. I need to buy photo frames and send the Christmas package to my mother-in-law. I wonder if it will get there in time. We ordered presents online, will they come in time? Oh god, what if they don't arrive? And so on, and so on until I eventually got up, did a load of laundry and opened my computer intending to write my thesis only to write my column instead.
She is still sleeping but I don't trust it yet.
My mom tells me that when I was little I was a good sleeper except if a noise woke me up, I was up for the night and I wanted to play. My little girl is like that except she doesn't want to play - she just wants to sleep right beside me, attached to me like a sweaty little barnacle. It is a good thing she is cute.
I know that there are other parents out there scrolling through their social media sites in the early morning hours hoping to suddenly and deeply fall back asleep, wishing they had just listened to that one friend who told them to just let them cry it out.
I see you, fellow exhausted parents.
I am also sitting on the couch in my pajamas wondering if it is too early to make coffee.
