It`s the Monday after the U.S. Open and I`ve been accosted again by Dr. Bugalow Boogie.
"Doctor, I can`t talk to you anymore, you`ve already gotten me into too much trouble," I said.
"I know, I know, don't mention the war," he said, pausing to gnaw a half-eaten breakfast sandwich he'd secreted in his beard. "I'm here to make it up to you. Here's a copy of the Pink Hansard."
"The Pink Hansard? How old is that sandwich?"
"It's the musical Parliamentary record. The paper, not the sandwich."
***
Forty-first Parliament, First Session, Edited Hansard (Pink), Number 140, Wednesday, June 13, 2012. Speaker: The Honourable Andrew Scheer. Government orders. Jobs, Growth and Long-term Prosperity Act.
Mr. Nathan Cullen (Skeena-Bulkley Valley, NDP):
Good evening Mister Speaker, what a fight it's been
Over a piece of legislation, I say is quite obscene.
It`s an omni-mess, a Wednesday of tyranny.
Now it`s the longest Humpday this House has ever seen.
The bill I speak so ill of is an overbearing beast
That turns this great land into a stinking Tory feast.
It makes old people work forever; auctions off all creatures great and small
It`s spies and lies and bullying, and the oilsands they grease.
Hon. Jim Flaherty (Minister of Finance, CPC):
Excuse me Mister Speaker, it`s time to draw the line
On my colleague and his party, who simply like to whine.
This bill is for the people, for jobs and cash and growth.
Marx is dead, Mr. Cullen; making money`s not a crime.
You and Mr. Rae have been some kind of team
Your amendments by the hundred caused a surly scene
But we`ve got the members, the votes and patience too
To sit through the longest Humpday this House has ever seen.
Parliamentary clerk:
They`ve broken all the calendars, all the clocks they`ve cleaned
Twenty-two hours later, the House is still at June 15.
Procedure tells us properly this is the Wednesday without end.
It is indeed the longest Humpday this House has ever seen.
Mr. Richard Harris (Cariboo-Prince George, CPC):
The good-for-nothing and the useless are camped out in P.G. town
Sleeping outside my office to bring my spirit down.
My support is silent; they`re all working their real jobs.
It`s the longest Humpday and I'm the only Foghorn Leghorn to be found.
All members, to applause:
Congratulations Mr. Harper, it`s time for you to cluck.
The opposition tried their best but they were simply out of luck.
Your omnibus ran riot over democracy and dignity.
So here`s to the longest Humpday and the principles you chucked.
Here`s to the longest Humpday and the people you just plucked.
