Lately I feel like I'm living on another planet.
It's rare that I feel like I don't have control over my life. I've pretty much come to terms with having a permanent brain injury. But what is going on in our world right now is a whole other story.
The feeling of not having control over my life has been with me for a quite a few months now. And the intensity keeps growing. I've asked myself many times "what can I do to fix this?"
This was not going to be an easy fix or maybe it was an impossible feat. Then I became frustrated because how could I not come up with a solution? Brain injured or not, this was my life and I had to find a way to find peace.
Then I got to thinking. If I was having issues about not having control over my life, what control did I have? I was a cigarette smoker for 40 plus years. I've tried quitting numerous times over the last 40 years. If I could quit smoking, I would definitely feel in control of my life. But how would I do this because all of my past attempts were so painful and emotionally torturous.
I am a huge believer in divine intervention because of past miraculous experiences I've had. This time, an earth angel by the name of Michele Johnson came to my rescue. Michele, owner of P.G. Laser Solutions, had been encouraging me for years to quit smoking. She called me out of the blue just before Christmas and asked me if I was ready to quit smoking. What the heck? Was Michele a mind reader?
The last time I tried to quit smoking was around this time of year in 2016. I was SO cranky! I was shocked my hubby didn't throw me out into a snow bank. I could feel the universe pushing me to face my biggest challenge and sent Michele to help me.
I knew in order to be successful in my quit, I needed to eliminate wine from my life too. Because cigarettes and wine went hand in hand, I knew I couldn't quit one without the other. Nothing made me happier than to have a glass of wine and smoke. I needed to readjust my attitude and belief system about substances. I had to make myself happy without having to rely on the deceiving comforts of addictive, toxic poison.
Then it happened.
On December 21, 2020, I said goodbye to two friends who no longer had a purpose in my life. I can't explain how the laser treatments actually work. All I know is that I haven't had any cravings. NO cravings! Not once have I turned into that familiar mean, evil gremlin or had an emotional melt down. I've already saved hundreds of dollars. And most importantly, with Michele's support, I saved me.
Now I can focus on other areas of my brain injury recovery that I've neglected. I didn't have a healthy diet while I was smoking because I was rarely hungry. I'm currently researching foods I've never tried and various new recipes. This has been a ton of fun.
I can't remember the last time I felt this grounded. My brain feels calm and peaceful not like a hamster running around and around in a wheel.
I am in control of my life. And it feels awesome!