We have all done it, pushed send on an email or text and then regretted our actions 10 minutes later. It happened to me just this week.
Someone had shortened a deadline on a project, I questioned the deadline, the person responded in a snarky manner. Squeezed by an already busy schedule with my temper rising, I sent an email back which may or may not have been as professional as it could have been. Probably if I had waited 10 minutes or 24 hours, I might have taken the higher ground and just let the snarky email pass like water off a duck's back.
The 10-10-10 rule, which I stumbled across in the book Decisive was made famous by Suzy Welch in her book 10-10-10, states that when making a decision we should add an element of perspective. How happy will we be with our decision after 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years?
Giving our decisions an element of time can give us a point of view that may not be apparent to us when we are struggling with a choice that could have a profound impact on our lives, or our businesses. Even little decisions like responding to a co-worker, business partner, or even our teenagers when we have been pushed to our limits could benefit from the 10-10-10 rule. However, larger pronouncements like quitting a job, or not, making an investment, or not, taking our business in a new strategic direction, or even getting married, would benefit substantially from this type of thinking.
It's easy to think that after 10 minutes we might still be happy with the decision we have just made. In the case of my email, if I had waited 10 minutes, I think I might have made it shorter but still sent it. If I would have used the 10-10-10 rule, I would have considered the future consequences of my action 10 months out. I might have realized that there were some underlying factors that were raising my ire while making that decision and from the point of view of 10 months in the future, the email would not have been necessary. In 10 years, nobody will care, and with, the state of my memory, it will have been forgotten. From the perspective of 10 months and 10 years, I probably wouldn't feel the need to send the email.
So, what do we do if we have sent an email, or made a decision that we regret?
Let's say we forget to use the 10-10-10 rule and make a mistake. If it's a simple error in judgement and has not caused deep grievous damage, a simple "I am sorry" can make a big difference. Often times we are harder on ourselves than we are on others. When we realize that we are not perfect and that we are going to make mistakes that realization will affect us and others. Forgiving ourselves is often harder than we think, but treating ourselves with some gentleness can alleviate the stress we feel about our actions. It's easy to say that we will never make take the same action again, however, it's unrealistic without having some strategies, to avoid thinking that it is always going to be possible.
Eating more cake, chocolates or chips than we should have when watching our favorite Netflix series can cause us regrets. Chewing out an employee or co-worker for something they forgot to do might cause us regrets. Cutting down a tree in your backyard and falling it on your kids' trampoline, is regrettable. We are likely to feel bad that night or the next day from our decision to act the way we did. It's probably unrealistic to think that we will never be faced with that temptation again. So, what do we do when faced with that decision in a similar situation? We need to develop strategies that are going to be effective when faced with the situation.
Perhaps a 10-10-10 rule might be the answer.
Everyone does make mistakes, and some of these errors in judgment can cause us regrets. Avoiding those regrets or focusing too long on them is not healthy. In order to be able to think clearly and make better decisions, tools like the 10-10-10- rule or other strategic thinking tools that gives perspective to our decisions can reduce the chances that we will have regrets. Not making decisions is not a valid option if we want to be successful in life and make the most of what we have been given. Good decisions, however small, can make our lives and the world a better place.
-- Dave Fuller, MBA, is an award-winning business coach and the author of the book Profit Yourself Healthy. Take 10 minutes to email dave@profityourselfhealthy.com - it won't be something you regret!
