My husband is currently at war. We live, as we have discovered, on a giant anthill. For whatever reason, this summer, the ants are attempting to colonize us by way of overwhelming numbers. Similar to the Russian tactics during the first World War, the ants are marching towards the front lines of the battlefield (i.e. our house) and are throwing bodies at the enemy (i.e. us). This is completely unacceptable to my husband and he is in the process of eliminating the enemy by any means necessary.
At first, I thought that he was exaggerating our ant problem and I tried to defend our little exoskeleton friends. "They're a part of the ecosystem," I said. "Birds, eat them, I think." My husband replied with a firm, "I don't care. They need to die or we are moving." I thought to myself that he was being a bit silly so I went outside to investigate and I discovered that our entire backyard was moving in a very unsettling way. As I stopped walking to watch the ants running towards our house, they crawled up my shoes. It was horrible. Now I was fully on board with the first stage of our Ant Massacre 2014.
My husband's first wave of attack, at my urging, was environmentally friendly. We scoured Pinterest and Google pages on gentle ways to kill the beasts. Every day for a week when my husband came home, he would take boiling water and pour the scalding liquid into the worst of the ant hills. The ants, apparently, enjoyed this as a nice hot shower. The internet is filled with homemade recipes for ant elimination using a mixture of Borax and sugar. Apparently the ants will eat this mixture and then it gently poisons the colony and thus solving your ant problem. We had little globs of sugar and Borax in our yard for the next week, which our ants promptly avoided. The internet, as we discovered, is filled with liars.
With my husband in charge of the ant problem, I was ignoring them until I left the house the other day and was watering my garden. Looking down, I discovered that our ants were in the process of striping the flesh from a forest cricket, a grasshopper and a very dead bird, all within three feet from our front door. There were swarms of ants very close to our house and I didn't like it at all. Now we entered the final stage of our battle: chemical warfare. After one quick perimeter sweep and spray, I am pleased to report that we have won, for now. I'm just waiting for the ant's retaliatory strike and hoping that it doesn't involve invasion.
