Darn! I have been looking forward to the opportunity afforded by April Fools' Day to have some fun with fake stories.
But the political shenanigans of the past couple of weeks have made anything that I could make up, well, redundant. Take a fake story like the following:
MLAs call for Minister Bell's resignation! MLA Kash Heed says "Minister Bell's head is too shiny. The reflected light in the legislature hurts my eyes ... indeed, the eyes of all of the backbenchers. We simply can't carry on with this government acting blindly."
But instead of this being a joke headline, this past week MLA Kash Heed did call for the resignations of both Minister Bell and Minister Bond for something almost as silly.
Whether or not they interfered with the land purchases surrounding the WIDC is something for the courts to decide. Until then calls for their resignation - even by their own party members - are disingenuous at best.
It reminds me of the furor over a former premier's deck. In the end, the evidence showed that the whole thing was smoke and mirrors but that didn't stop people from screaming for his resignation. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?
Or do we really hold politicians to a much higher standard? Innocent until someone says that they are guilty, perhaps?
Don't get me wrong. If either of the Ministers has actually done something illegal, then they should be held to account. But by the time the justice system has done its work, neither will likely be in government.
In the meantime, and for the few weeks that they have left, they should do the best job that they can.
Another April Fools' story that I thought up was:
Prime Minister Harper - the man who would be king! "We are being muzzled and brought to heal" says leading government scientist. "The PMO has even commissioned the dog whisperer, Cesar Millan, to teach us how to sit properly and play dead."
This would have been poking fun at the muzzling of government scientists by the Prime Minister's Office. It is a sad tragedy when scientific results can only be communicated after they have been vetted by politicians.
Furthermore, the anti-science nature of the federal Conservatives has gone so far as to see the dismantling of research at the Experimental Lakes Area and scientists at Natural Resources Canada not able to publish results on the effects of Climate Change.
But this past week, Mark Warawa, the Member of Parliament for Langley, revealed that the Prime Minister's office has also been denying its own members the right to speak.
Indeed, this is one of the few times since they were first elected to power in 2006 that some cracks in the Conservative messaging machine have appeared. Up to now, communication with reporters has been tightly controlled with answers to even the most basic questions requiring vetting by the PMO or the Privy Council.
The muzzling of descent by the Prime Minister would be a good story for an April Fools' column if it weren't so true.
Personally, I find any form of censorship deeply problematic for democracy. It is why free speech is enshrined as a fundamental right in the constitutions of many countries.
And that brings us to another possible April Fools' story:
Auditor General's report reveals that carbon offsets are a scam. "We know that we are not carbon neutral" says Minister Terry Lake "but we had to do something to make B.C. greener since the mountain pine beetle infestation has turned all the trees red."
The Office of the Auditor General of British Columbia has used its right to speak freely and released a damning look at the government's commitment from the 2007 Throne Speech to becoming "carbon neutral" by 2010.
Mr. Doyle has put the case simply: "This audit examined two projects which accounted for nearly 70 percent of the offsets purchased by the government to achieve their claim of carbon neutrality: the Darkwoods Forest Carbon project in southeastern B.C. and the Encana Underbalanced Drilling project near Fort Nelson. However, this claim of carbon neutrality is not accurate, as neither project provided credible offsets."
It doesn't get much clearer than that.
Except, of course, the Minister and the Pacific Carbon Trust fired back and accused Mr. Doyle of lacking the expertise to be able to make these statements.
According to the Ministry of Environment response: "A key feature of BC's offset program is that third party accredited professionals validate and verify projects to ensure they meet the requirements of the Emission Offsets Regulations."
Of course, the "accredited professionals" make their living on the basis of the offset market so they have an inherent bias towards seeing offsets as valid.
But maybe that is a discussion for a more serious column.
