When it was first suggested to me many years ago that I read Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People, I have to admit that I was rather turned off by the title. Why would I have to win friends? Wouldn't I just have friends because I am a good friends to others? Wouldn't I become a positive influence to others simply by being a good person? Why did I need a book to tell me these things?
In a sense, I was right.
Much of what Carnegie talks about is common sense.
At the same time, there are many detractors to this common sense, so today it is very affirming to read what I already believe taught by one of the most successful business leaders of the 20th century.
In advising how to handle people, which for a teacher would mean how to run a classroom where students are learning and on-task, Carnegie gives three pieces of advice: 1) don't criticize, condemn or complain, 2) give honest sincere appreciation, and 3) arouse in the other person an eager want.
The reason why criticizing others does not work is because it invokes a feeling of defensiveness. Being defensive is a kneejerk reaction, something we do without thinking. It is simply an aspect of being human, and it can make it very hard for us to see the legitimacy of any criticism. We therefore tend to shut out what the other person is saying and are less likely to comply. It is very easy to criticize, but if we can take a step back from the situation and observe with empathy and compassion, it is much easier to respond effectively to the mistakes of others.
While no one likes to feel criticized, we all love to be appreciated. In fact, this is one of the most profound desires of human beings. When we do feel sincerely appreciated, we not only feel better, we do better work and are more creative. In the classroom. students love to know that their efforts are appreciated, and they will thus put forth their greatest effort to excel. It is just the way that we are.
Teachers also want our students to learn, we want to help each individual to achieve the amazing potential that they lies within them. In order to do this, we have to make students want to learn.
For example, I am passionate about teaching social justice. I point out to the students how problems exist in the world, and how we can take an active role in advancing the world to make it a more just place. I point out the positive changes that have occurred in my lifetime, and how excited I am to see the positive changes that they and their generation will help to bring about. I am truly inspired by the stories students come back and tell me about projects that they become a part of.
Yes, Carnegie's teachings do seem like common sense, but sometimes we all need to be reminded that we're on the right track when we point out the positive we see in others.
