Although I loath having more than 10 minutes of work to do each day, I did have to go into extra-special overtime to ensure I answered a letter from a loyal reader.
The letter reads:
I was curious about what WTF! stands for in the heading for the column that appeared near the top of Page 7 of Wednesday's Citizen and has been appearing in the paper for some time now.
Maybe it stands for World Trade Federation. However, the column doesn't seem to deal often with world trade, trade imbalances or globalization issues.
Perhaps it stands for Wrestling-Top Flight. Yet it rarely, if ever, deals with wrestling matches - whether the popular commercial ones that are more like mediaeval morality plays than real sport, or the more serious Olympic-level sumo wrestling.
Possibly it stands for Wildean Theatrical Forum. Yet, while The Citizen gives good coverage on other pages to community theatre groups, the column rarely takes up late nineteenth-century drama or issues surrounding dramatic productions.
Readers need to have WTF! spelled out.
I am
Sincerely yours,
Paul Strickland
Dear Sincerely Yours, I am so happy that someone actually reads this stuff, and as yours was the only letter to make it past our stringent security measures here at The Citizen (set up specifically to stop me from leaving the building), I thought I should take the time to respond to your flattering and totally hilarious letter.
Although you are right, there has not been any mention of World Trade Federation in this column, nor has there been any tidbits about Wrestling-Top Flight (although I do prefer Wrestling Topless Females myself), it is hard to say what I may ramble on about in future editions. The title could possibly be about some Wildean Theatrical Forum as you mentioned, although I, and most of the general population do tend to find that a bit pretentious.
After much thought (nagging from my boss) I figured I didn't really know WTF WTF stood for.
Could it be Writer Telling Fibs, or Writing Tales and Fables.
Maybe it is Wrangling Toads and Frogs (a favourite pastime of some Frenchmen), or Wildlife's Tempting Farts, after all flatulating camels have made an appearance on this page. However, it could just mean a Writer Totally Forgotten or maybe my bath days, Wednesday Thursday Friday.
Some may say it stands for Writing Trashy Features, or one of my favourites, Wily Tempting Females. But if you are someone who likes food that sounds horrible but could be good for you, it may just mean Wholesome Tofu Fruitcakes. Although none of these columns has been about White Tall Females, Whacky Toe Fungus or Wobbly Tummy Flab, one did mention a Weeing Tantruming Frenchman, and who is to say what it may be about in the future.
An old friend of mine constantly complains of his Wiggly Toe Flaps and Writhing Tummy Flatulence, but I have promised him I would not speak of it here.
I have seen some other stories regarding Whistling Tiny Felines, Wrapping Tetanus Felangees, Whipping Toadstool Feelers and Wholesome Trombone Festivities (only working 10 minutes a day I have a bit of time on my hands to troll the 'Net), but then again, it could just mean Whacky Titilating Fun.
I would go on but security is on the way as I am writing this on my netbook while I try to exit the building through the bathroom window.
WTF, those damn security people are fast.
