(Editor’s note: After the interviews were complete and the photo was taken for this story, Debra Moulton called the Citizen to let us know that Northern Health informed her know she can now see her mother on Sundays. We thought we’d still publish the story to show the hardship suffered by families that have been separated by COVID-19 and to show there is a review process in place.)
The kids promised mom they would visit her every day when she entered Gateway, the long-term care facility and that promise was upheld during the last four years until the COVID-19 pandemic hit.
Between Shirley Neumeyer's 10 children and other relatives and friends, the now 89-year old enjoyed those visits immensely, according to her daughter Debra Moulton.
Since COVID hit and visitation was halted and then restricted, Neumeyer's health has declined rapidly and it's breaking Moulton's heart.
"I've often wondered how many people have died without seeing their families," Moulton said."If something happens to mom, we will have to live with the fact that mom died thinking that we didn't go up there - not that we couldn't go up there - I think a lot of the people in long term care forget about the virus so they're always wondering why."
Moulton said on top of dealing with the ravages of Parkinson's disease, her mother is now dealing with a form of dementia and is confused by the fact that there are no visits from family.
"I think she feels abandoned and she doesn't know why her family stopped coming to see her," Moulton said. "And it's not only mom, it's the same for all the people in there and something needs to be done about it."
COVID-19 is not going away any time soon and Moulton believes there can be policies and procedures put in place for safe visits to occur for families in this situation.
"Even if we visited her outside to make it safer - we'd be willing to do that," Moulton said. "We can physical distance. The last thing I want to do is go in there and risk giving anyone the coronavirus so why can't we meet outside for now while the weather is still warm?"
Moulton said she's heard of other facilities in the province that have been able to make visits safe for their patients by putting up Plexiglass between the resident and visitors, for example.
"Why aren't they doing something like that here?" Moulton asked.
"We just really need to see mom because she's really upset. All the people in these places need to be able to see their families."
Moulton said she does do Facetime visits with her mom once a week but they are at a designated time and if it happens to be during Neumeyer's nap time, it’s a fruitless exercise.
Communication skills have diminished for Neumeyer, which makes it difficult for Moulton to understand her, which is also a source of frustration for them both.
"There are really good people there taking care of mom, I know that, but it's those higher up that just don't seem to care," Moulton said. "We need this to change for everyone."
To try to get this issue resolved, Moulton has reached out to Gateway management, Northern Health through the patient quality care office, the seniors advocate, and anyone else who would listen, she said.
"And it just goes nowhere and then you start getting frustrated and they say to me 'be nice' but after so many months of this I don't want to be nice anymore," Moulton said. "My mom hasn't seen her family in months and she is not doing well and they keep saying to us be patient but mom is 89 and she's in the last stages of Parkinson's - how patient can we be?"
Gateway Lodge has been allowing visitors since July 6.
But only one designated person is allowed to visit each patient.
Neumeyer's designated visitor is her 87-year-old husband and step-dad to Moulton, who is hard of hearing, so communication is further complicated by that challenge, Moulton said.
In a response to a request for comment about this situation Northern Health said the restrictions are there to keep everyone safe, that virtual visits are in place and that the only exception beyond the one designated visitor is in the case of palliative care.
"Finally, there is a process for family and visitors not deemed essential to have those decisions reviewed, starting with administration at the facility in question, and if needed, a formal review by the health authority Patient Care Quality Office (PCQO),” the Northern Health response concluded.
