- Love. You love your partner and there are still times when your partner is loving.
- Hope. You have many memories of happy times, and hope those times will return.
- Making light of the abuse. It's very painful to admit that someone you love would hurt you, so you convince yourself it's not really that bad.
- Blame yourself. Your partner might blame you for his or her abusive behaviour, saying you made him or her angry, or that you did something to deserve it.
- Link between love and violence. You grew up in a home where there was violence, or you were hit by a parent, and told it was because they love you.
- Hopelessness. You may feel like you'll never find a partner who treats you any better.
- Gender roles. If you are a woman, you may have been taught that men are supposed to be in charge, can't help being violent, or have the right to discipline their women.
- Embarrassment and shame. You don't want to admit what's going on because you're afraid of what they will think about you.
- Financial dependence. You depend on your partner for financial support.
- Lack of supportive relationships. You may have become isolated from your friends and family, or they will pressure you to stay with your partner.
- Fear. Your partner may have threatened to hurt or kill you or someone you care about if you leave.
- Not wanting to be alone. You may panic at the thought of being without your partner.
- Loyalty. You may feel the right thing to do is to stick with your partner no matter what.
- Rescue complex. You think you can change, fix or heal your partner if you stay.
- Guilt. Your partner may make you feel guilty about how much it would hurt him or her if you left.
- Children. You may believe it is best for the child to have two parents who are together.
- Dependency on drugs or alcohol. Many people use drugs or alcohol as a way of coping with abuse, which then makes them less clear and strong, making it more difficult to leave.
Information provided by Wellness Reproductions and Publishing, 2001.
