Hello darlings,
This week, I would like to send Brad Pitt some life advice.
Mr. Pitt is the first male spokesperson for Chanel No. 5. The ad is all over the Interwebs, in black and white, with Brad talking to camera about all of these high-faluting, non-sensical things. Are Angie's lady parts asking for another babe and you need money boo? Is she asking for the super expensive bunting for the wedding? Why are you talking, Brad? Nobody wants you to speak. Just sit and be pretty. Maybe take off your shirt, pants are optional.
The King and Queen of Australia, Russell Crowe and his wife, WhoCares, have announced they have separated after nine years of marriage. Russ is an odd one for me, the accent is good and he is handsome enough, but part of me thinks that after he has had his way with you, he would smack you around a little bit.
Remember that blonde porcupine, Kate Gosselin, who had eight kids all at the same time?Anyway, she was apparently blogging for some coupon website and it was just announced that she has been fired. Wait - she was fired from blogging? Isn't that like getting fired from volunteering?
Evan Rachel Wood. She's that blonde mess who was on True Blood for a while. When she was younger, people thought she was the next big child star. Then she met the ever charming and oh-so handsome Marilyn Manson. She was 20 years old and Manson was 38, and that was the least weird thing about their union. She is now engaged to a guy I don't know (read don't care about) --Jamie King. You know those couples that start to resemble each other? That is happening with those two. Mazel tov anyway.
The woman with legs for days, Uma Thurman, had a baby with her man three months ago and they have just released the babies name. Hold onto your hat, pack a Capri Sun and some granola, kiss your loved ones goodbye because this is a long one and you may not see them for a while. The babe's name is: Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altatune Florence Thurman Busson. Why would you do that to the baby Ums? I felt like Harry Potter casting a spell against He-who-must-not-be-named saying that name.
Flavor Flav has reportedly gone public enemy on his fiancee and her son and has found himself in some trouble. The tiny man with the big clock allegedly hit his fiancee (who would marry that disaster?) and pulled a knife on her teenage son. His mugshot isn't pretty. Flavor needs a flea bath.
I used to enjoy Rihanna and her music. She's a beautiful girl with an incredible gift. But, she's also a manipulative dummy. She's back together with Punchy (aka Chris Brown) and she is releasing an album next month. She knows that her fans won't be impressed when she makes the announcement about her love, so she isn't going to say anything until her album is released to avoid compromising her album sales. Way to have the important things in life together. Mama Oprah would be ashamed of you. As am I.
Megan Fox and David Silver had a baby a month ago, but nobody knew until now. Probably because no one cares. Anyway, the kid's name is Noah. I'm dying to find out if she had a C-section/tummy tuck combo or if the baby came out of her... um... place where soldiers hide when the enemy is shooting at them. You know where I mean, right, dears? Don't want to get into too much trouble with that overbearing editor - he's such a prude.
Until next time my lovelies...
