As of Sunday morning, we became a society where Snooki can give birth to a human child.
Let's take a moment of pause, to reflect where we all went wrong.
The world's youngest guido Lorenzo Dominic, will no doubt have his ear pierced and a spray tan before he is capable of holding up his own head.
Rihanna, the Barbadian beauty was recently on Lady Oprah's newest talk platform taking about her career and of course, Chris Brown. She bared her soul and admitted that she will always love him and after he got all punchy, she lost her best friend.
Um, wouldn't that be a good thing? No one needs a knuckle-sandwich as their BFF. Joan Rivers, the sage of all things shiny (including fresh bruises and new faces), took to Twitter to express herself: "Idiot! Now it's MY turn to slap [Rihanna]."
Point goes to Joan.
Picture this: You are a burglar and you decide to hit up some fancy-pants mansions in Los Angeles. You don your burglar mask and gloves, and while Pink-Panthering your way into the chosen house, when whoops - it's LL Cool J's pad.
The man with thighs the size of cedar trunks took care of business and pounced on him. Mama said knock HIM out.
Can we all stop caring about Lindsay Lohan yet? Honestly, she's past her prime and she isn't even 30 years-old yet, although the poor dear looks twice that age.
What has her career amounted to? She played that annoying brat on the remake of Parentrap and then played nearly the same character (but with better writing) on Mean Girls. Since then - nada. Let's all agree to ignore her nonsensical life and maybe she'll just go away.
In Las Vegas' biggest stroke of genius since the breakfast buffet, the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority has embraced Prince Harry's privates.
Since the Prince was caught showing off the family jewels while in Sin City, the tourism agency has put in all their cards.
Ads on bus stops on the strip now say: "Keep calm and carry on Harry." They took it a step further and started a social media campaign, scolding the person who took the pictures and for breaking the Vegas Code - what's happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
Poor Harry, I wonder what Grand-mama Lizzy had to say about his latest antics.
I bet William will get all the good Christmas presents and Harry will be left with a stocking full of coals and tube socks. Perhaps he could start using them to cover up.
Who doesn't love Russell Brand? Be honest with yourself - you do - how could you not? The long haired, sexy-in-a-weird way Brit has apparently found a ginger gal to warm him up at night. The one, the only, Ginger Spice. Congrats to her on becoming relevant again.
Poor, cold Mr. Hemsley. In an effort to move on up to the DEE-lux apartment in the sky, it seems he has hit a roadblock enroute, in the form of an ice cube. His body is apparently still in the freezer of an El Paso Home. Seems odd. And gross.
A man who claims he is the star's brother is apparently holding up the process. Someone call Maury. We need a DNA test - pronto - the man has been dead for a month.
The squinty-eyed, squeeky-voiced blonde pop-star, Taylor Swift is dating a Kennedy. Of course she is. She's dating Conor Kennedy, the son of Robert F. Kennedy. Her latest dip in the romantic pool is heating up, as the blonde praying mantis is planning on getting herself a pied-a-terre to be nearer to her beau.
How long should we give it, before she writes an angry break-up song about him? What swear words rhyme with Kennedy?
Everyone's favourite snaggletoothed star, Miley Cyrus is apparently waif-thin and is playing hard in Philly, while the fiance Liam, is shooting a movie. Why doesn't she get her teeth fixed? Does she not have insurance? It doesn't make any sense. She could eat an apple through a picket-fence, that is if she wasn't so busy recording God-awful tracks.
Until next time lovelies.
