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Remember that others are doing the best they can

Compassionate people are happy people, and compassionate people understand that everyone is simply doing their best.
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Compassionate people are happy people, and compassionate people understand that everyone is simply doing their best.

They acknowledge there are those who do rotten things to each other, but we have no idea of the internal torment these individuals are struggling with.

This is not to say that we shouldn't have rules in our society or that people shouldn't be held accountable for their actions.

It is simply to say that life is better when we look upon one another with acceptance.

Human behaviour specialist Brene Brown has done extensive research on people who show great compassion, those who reach out with kindness and empathy to others, who see good in everyone, and who experience the oneness of our humanity.

She and her team tried to find what these people had in common. Surprisingly, what she found more than anything else was that they lived their lives with firm boundaries.

These are not boundaries which keep others out, they are standards individuals choose to live by, very clear ideas as to what was OK and what was not OK, a strong sense of personal ethics which does not need to be imposed upon others.

These are people who show respect for everyone, not because they have low standards, but because they simply do not subject themselves to the abuses of others.

In our society, we tend to respond to perceived disrespect with rudeness, but compassionate people do not allow this type of negative thought to pollute their minds.

They consciously choose their own kind thoughts.

When working with children and adolescents we can fairly safely assume that these young people are indeed doing the best that they can. We have no idea what they may be dealing with at home, what emotional stresses they are feeling, or what learning challenges they face each day.

A teacher colleague of mine follows the mantra, "Treat them better than they are, and soon they will be."

In other words, if we treat students with respect, even when they are not deserving of it, they will eventually change their behaviour and show more respect to others.

It goes without saying that rules are important for the safety and well-being of all, but it is also necessary to accept our students as they are. When we do so, they begin to grow more comfortable at school, and then real learning can begin.

I don't know why this approach works, but it does. It is something good teachers have always understood. Perhaps this is because there is a longing in each one of us to simply be accepted. We all know that we are not perfect, but we really are doing the best we can.

The truth is that "treating them better than they are" demonstrates not only the teacher's respect for her students, it also demonstrates a sense of self-respect. It is also a reason why self-care and personal development are so vital to effective teaching. It is very difficult to make educators feel disrespected when they have a deep and profound understanding of their own value.

It is a great challenge for all of us is to look on ourselves and our neighbours with such deep compassion. There are many great people and great books we can study in learning to do so, but this is a life-long journey, and a journey which is unique for each one of us.

If we know what we are striving for, however, we are already well on our way. Embrace the fact that everyone is really doing their best, ourselves included, and know that those exhibiting the most destructive behaviours are the ones who are hurting the most.

Remember as well that in order to truly love and respect others, we need to love and respect ourselves.

As we find peace and happiness within, we find peace and happiness in the world around us.

Gerry Chidiac is a champion for social enlightenment, inspiring others to find their greatness in making the world a better place. For more of his writings, go to www.gerrychidiac.com.