I hope that your week has been filled with love and cocktails, just as my week has.
My first piece of business for this week, isn't about my dear celebrities, it's about a woman who clearly is a celebrity in her own mind - and hips.
Her name is Mikel Ruffinelli. She's a pretty lamb, if a bit hefty, but just as Shakira said, hips don't lie. Ruffinelli is the proud owner of hips that are 100 inches across. One hundred inches - the mind boggles.
She is a big girl all around, but nowhere near the width of her hips.
She claims that her husband adores her hourglass figure. Hourglass? Where is he seeing this hourglass? Did he drop acid before seeing this alleged hourglass? Or perhaps he was looking through a circus fun house mirror.
Her hubby takes his life in his own hands when he lays his head down at night, because one false move and no one would ever hear his cries.
The songstress Adele gave birth to a bouncing baby in the summer, and so far there has been no word on the cherub's name. But my darlings - there has been a break in the case that was kept tighter than Fort Knox.
To be honest, I'm not sure why I've been so curious as to what she would call her child, perhaps it's because I think we could be friends in real life. Best mates - as they say.
She was spotted wearing a necklace with the name Angelo, so the Internet sleuths are assuming that that is the babe's name. To say I'm disappointed is an understatement.
The frostiest lady in Hollywood, Ms. GOOP herself - Gwyneth Paltrow is now Cameron Diaz's life coach. Yes lovelies, you read that correctly.
Gwynny is helping Cammy make some major decisions and has advised her to give up men because Cameron's romantic liaisons are distracting her.
She was so sweet when she was with Brad Pitt, but ever since then she's been the white witch in Narnia.
Gwyn, take your talons out of Cammy and concentrate on your children's therapy needs because you named them Apple and Moses.
The girl who can make a four-course meal out of stale bread and apricots, Rachel Ray is facing controversy in her marriage. Again? Still?
Her hubby for seven years, John Cusimano was discovered as having a membership to a swingers club in the Big Apple and that he has frequented the establishment with several ladies.
Can you imagine?
The most shocking thing to me about this news is he "frequented the establishment with several ladies" bit.
My gaydar must be in need of a lube job, because I would have bet my pearls that Rach and her 30-minute meals has just a beard.
We have all borne witness to the fall of a hero, Lance Armstrong this week.
He has admitted to doping before the Tour de France and a whole lot more bad stuff.
Now the focus is on his ex-fiance, Sheryl Crow. Remember her? She is a little forgettable if you aren't reminded every once in a while.
She gave a vague interview, saying she felt sorry for Lance.. Blah,blah blah. You'd think she'd realize something was up when he could hold his breath underwater for 10 minutes and not have a problem, or that he could dead-lift his car. Either way - pay attention, Crow.
Rumour has it that Jessica Chastain is dating her on-screen partner Tom Hiddleston from the Bigelow movie Zero Dark Thirty.
I don't really have much of an opinion on this, but I was looking for a segue so I could mention how much I did not enjoy that film.
So, go have fun Jessy, but don't expect anyone to care.
Until next time lovelies...