Hello, darlings.. It's another week that has been chock full of silly celebrity antics.
Bobby Brown has found himself in trouble behind the wheel again. He was arrested for being a drunk driving mess. Again. Allegedly.
Cops pulled him over in L.A. after witnessing him swerving all over the road. I'd imagine that the car smelled like broken dreams wrapped in the smoke of a Camel Light cigarette. His daughter is about to marry her brother/boyfriend. Come on, Bobby, shape up, you don't want to make that wedding weird.
I hate to break the news, ladies, but Justin Timberlake is off the market. What is even more distressing is that he married Jessica Biel. He is so much cuter than her. People Magazine paid a pretty penny to print their wedding album, and the only thing that I noticed is the horrendous dress Jessica wore. It was pink. It looks like Jess and Jerry Garcia got together for craft corner and the tie-dying ran amok.
It's awful.
Not to mention that it isn't even flattering.
Maybe once Justin leaves you and you get engaged to someone more your speed, you'll find a dress that is more flattering and doesn't look like it was from a DIY video on Youtube.
Alicia Silverstone, the once beloved teenage role-model is continuing down the path of "I'm a crazy person and I don't care who knows." Not only is she strictly vegan (come on, it's weird), she named her kid Bear and she practices something called premastication with her son.
It's the act of pre-chewing food prior to giving it to a child. It's then transferred to the child mouth to mouth. So your kid's name is Bear and he eats out of your mouth. I don't foresee any therapy required in Bear's future.
None at all.
Also, she is now the spokesperson for a brand of personal massagers that are in the shape of leaves. I'd explain, but I'm feeling nauseous.
I was going to make this next one a blind item, but then I realized that discussing Leann Rhimes is so ridiculous that I couldn't resist calling her out.
Darlings, do you remember the movie Never Ending Story from our childhood? Remember when a young Bastian relied on the giant white flying dog-like character Falcor? Well, as Leann gets older she is starting a have an uncanny resemblance to the flying dog.
Falcor, I mean Leann, will be on Katie Couric's show today (because that's when you know you are still relevant), she discusses why no one will ever understand her pain.
Boo hoo.
You slept with a married man and then married him. I'm sure your kids will be very proud of you. Where was your flea-bag hubby when you were with Katie? Hmmmm?
Courtney Stodden. Ever heard of her? She is a 17-year-old who married some guy that was apparently on the show Lost. He is 51. Do the math, I'll give you a minute, it equals gross.
Anyway, in effort to stay in their solid C-celebrity status, they are on a show called Couples Therapy, to deal with some of their marital problems.
He was quoted as saying, "Isn't this great. I'm raising my wife."
Eww. She then responded with, "I love him so much that my heart bursts out of my boobs." Seriously. I give up.
Jessica Simpson's parents have filed for divorce, claiming irreconcilable differences. But according to reports it seems that Joe and Tina may have too much in common to keep their marriage afloat - they both like men.
Not only has the former youth pastor come out of the closet (congrats - if it's true), he apparently have found himself a 20 year-old dish, who will no doubt dry his tears. Google Joe Simpson, he could totally be the next Edna Turnblad in Hairspray.
Until next time lovelies...
